Paranoid

Sometimes I feel paranoid about things. I think everyone has paranoid moments. It's normal. Everyone can probably think of a time where they thought somebody or everybody was out to get them, or something else...What? Stop looking at me like that.

I can seriously get myself worked up or freaked out about tiny little things. Minuscule things, sounds, looks, whatever. Like this one time on Halloween:

I prepped myself for being alone on Halloween by watching a couple scary movies - mistake number one. Then I looked up the history of Halloween on the internet as it started to get dark outside - mistake number two. When I went outside to check to see if my jack-0-lantern was shining brightly and not on fire, I heard a rustling in the woods. My paranoid mind went straight to "OMG there's a serial killer in the woods, and he knows I'm alone, and the reason why I haven't had any trick-or-treaters yet is because they are scared to trick-0r-treat at the house where the scary man is lurking!!!" So I stood outside for a couple of minutes and just stared into the woods, half hoping to not see something, but still kind of hoping that a gigantic squirrel will jump out with a mouth full of acorns.

Nothing was there, but my mind went straight to the worst possible thought, instead of thinking that a branch could have easily fell from a tree, or a chipmunk ran through the leaves, or the wind blew. No, I had to think of a serial killer.

Another time, just recently actually, had me awake in my bed at 3 o'clock in the morning. The weather outside was frightful, but the fire was sure delightful....oh boy. The weather was bad outside, and I kept hearing noises above me in our "attic." (I air quote attic, because it's not your typical attic. It's rafters) So, I heard a boom, bang, crash, pitter patter noises, and I thought, "OMG someone or something is up in our rafters!!" Then I listened closer and I swear that I heard my car door open. Then I thought, "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY CAR!" And the next thought - "Well, then I'll get a new car."

The more I listened, the more random the noises sounded. I couldn't differentiate what bang was outside or what boom was above my head. I grabbed my cell phone and looked up local news stories on the web, and what did I find??? "Armed Robbery in Altoona, Suspects on the Loose." AHHHHHH, Altoona isn't far from my town, and two men are on the loose! One with a bat and one with a long gun. (Reporter's words, not mine) Que paranoid self and this is what came out: "The two men are robbing our house, very slowly (because now it's almost 5 am, so they've been at it for 2 hours now), they are going to steal my car, and for some reason they are making a lot of noise up in our "attic." OMG, they're stealing our deck furniture that we keep stored up there!!"

Finally I fell asleep, and when I asked my parents about the noise, they convinced me it was snow falling off the trees and blowing on our roof. Then my dad said that it could have been a squirrel stuck in our rafters.

Those darn squirrels.