You're Gonna Miss This

I figured out what my role in life is. Don't worry, this won't be some deep and meaningful post. You should know that by now.

What I really mean is: I know what my role in life is while I'm driving in my car. (More lighthearted. You are welcome)

I drive a 1996 Pontiac Grand Am. It's had better days - like back in the 90s when I wasn't driving it, but it's gotten me from point A to point B, so I'm not complaining. I'm not. I love my car. I know my car and how it drives.

It's like my car was built for me. The driver's seat adjustment is permanently locked into place. Some bar or gear or something broke, so only I can drive my car comfortably. Sure, I get frustrated with it sometimes, like how my window will never roll down again so going through the drive-thru is only doable by me opening up my door and ordering my McDouble like a freak.

But when I'm driving on the highway or exit ramp, my car and I are a blessing. Since my car takes awhile to get up to the speed limit, my slow acceleration happily lets other cars switch lanes. That's what my role in life is on the road. I'm the person who when you are frustrated because you can't get into your lane or if your lane is ending and you desperately need to get over...have no fear, my Pontiac Grand Am is here!

When my car finally takes it's last breath it will be a sad day. It's been my only car since I got my license, and I'm going to miss it. And the other drivers out there will miss my car too.

Grown-Up Fingernails

Some people have really nice fingernails. I call them grown-up fingernails. They're even, strong, and a polite length. Mine are just the opposite: crooked, weak, and short/on the verge of the fingernail not even being called a fingernail anymore. Oh, and sometimes they're dirty or have chipped blue nail polish on them. I like to think that they have personality - "those fingernails have lived," people will say as they pass me on the street. Yet, I still want to have grown-up fingernails.

I keep telling myself that when I grow up I will achieve nice fingernails. Well, it's been 24 years and my fingernails still look like crap. Sometimes I think I can grow them out, but I just snag them on something and then decide to rip them instead of clip them.

I'm pretty keen on my hands and fingers though. They are pretty :)

24

Howdy, howdy, howdy! I'm 24 years old now :) I was born on Labor Day and my birthday was on Labor Day this year. Yay! It was a good birthday. I went out to lunch with my bff Andrea at Buffalo Wild Wings. Then I met my parents at the movie theater. We saw The Debt - really good movie. Then my brother and his family came over for supper and cake.

Since my last post, I left you wondering how our team did in our volleyball tournament. We were seeded 3rd out of nine teams. We never got to play the all-girl team again, but we would've definitely beat them if we had, and we ended up with 2nd place!! The team seeded in 8th place won - weird, right? They played the number 1 team and beat them! We watched with wide eyes in hopes that the 1st place team would lose, and they did. Holy crap, it was hilarious :) So we ended up in the championship game with the number 8 team and lost. It's okay. We should've beat them, but they deserved to win. They played a better game than us. It's as simple as that.

Now I'm on a new volleyball league with a different team. We played our first game last night and won. It was fun, as it always is.

Here's a picture of my niece Elsie. She is 2months old now!Elsie and me in August.

Time for a Kinsey Update

Since I've been gone, I need to do a catch-up with the lovely people who (hopefully) still read my blog when I have a new post. I'm crossing my fingers on that one.

1. I've been in bar volleyball league since the end of May. We're pretty good. Probably 2nd in our Wednesday bracket. There's one team that's really good, and a guy on the team wears one long colored sock. It's weird, so we call him the sock man. And whenever we have a really good hit, Jeremy says, "We need to put a sock on you!" Haha, we think it's funny.

2. On Wednesday we played an all-girl team. We had three guys and two girls on our team, since Andrea couldn't make it to the game. The rules are you need to ask the other team if it's okay to play with less girls than guys. I hate asking, and I've only had to ask one other time, but I strolled over to their side of the net and asked politely, "Is it okay if we play with three guys and two girls? My friend is a teacher (put that in there for good measure) and she can't make it."

They were silent for about five seconds too long before one girl said, "This happens to us every week."

"So is it okay?" I asked, completely ignoring her snarky remark.

"Fine."

Good, I thought. Then we started playing and the all-girl team totally sucks!! They are really bad. The snarky one did that one arm hit almost every time a ball came to her. We won all three games easily. Then at the end I heard the captain talking to the ref: "What would have happened if we said no they can't play with more guys?" The ref shrugged - he was probably thinking, it doesn't matter because next week is the tournament and the brackets are already up and you guys suck, so it really doesn't matter.

The girl then said, "Because next time this is not going to happen."

I stood there, signed off on the score sheet, and walked away. Seriously, they are the 2nd to worst team on our league. We could have played with three people and still killed them. I can't wait to play them next week (with our entire team) and really slam it in their faces.

3. I have a new niece in my family. My sister Tyne had her first baby in July. She named her Elsie, and she is soooooo cute! I'm her Godmother too! Yay! She likes to poop though. Just today, she was at our house and my mom was holding her. Then we heard this loud, juicy fart, and my mom pulled her away and Elsie's poop shot out of the side of her diaper - onto my mom's leg and the floor. GROSS! That was a nasty one. But she's still cute :)

4. I'm slowly running out of money. Even with my job (which is now only part-time) I'm just making my loan payments and other bills. It stinks. Thank goodness I live at home and don't have to pay for rent or groceries. Oh no, I just said, "Thank goodness I live at home." Something might be wrong with me.

5. Big Brother is my new favorite reality TV show. I want to be on it so bad! Does anyone else watch it?

6. I'm obsessed with a new show. It's not a "new" show, but it's new to me. I started watching Battlestar Galactica on Netflix Instant, and I LOVE it! It's so good. If anyone is looking for a show that is action/romantic/drama/mystery, then this is a show for you! It's also kind of funny. I started watching it on Sunday and I'm already done with the first season.

Battlestar Galactica

Well, I'm off to a wedding this weekend, and I promise to post more.

Robot Bank

I feel like I have certain situations that happen to me more than any other person I know. For example, the other day I ran to the bank to make a deposit. One would assume this a simple task. So did I, believe me, so did I...

I've never been to this bank before, but I expected it to be like most banks. Tellers greeting you with their sad smiles, that ONE guy holding a bucket full of change, a smelly but very tan dude with sweat stains on the back of his cut-off tee, and the mother trying to control her wild children and then threatening them with "NO wii time tonight!!" Ahhh, the joys of banks.

When I entered the bank something seemed off. I felt like Dorothy walking from black & white into the world of color. Except my world of color was a world where no tellers were to be seen. Odd, I thought. Where have all the tellers gone?? Hmmm, whatever, I'll fill out my deposit slip and worry about that little problem later.

About one minute later...frick, where are the tellers?? How am I supposed to make a deposit? I stood in the room looking awkward as awkward could be. I see a couple offices, a few "stations" with tv screens and telephones, and a roped off path that led to it. I walked around looking for a teller with my deposit slip in hand and a confused look glued to my face, when finally I decided to ask the guy that was in one of the "stations," "Hey, I'm trying to make a deposit. Where do I do that?"

He smiled and answered politely: "Right here. It's like a drive-up window, but inside. It's weird, but this bank is close to my house..." He shrugged.

"Are you kidding me?" I said, and walked to my little cubby of a "station." I then proceeded to tap on the tv screen thinking it was a touch screen...nothing happened. "I don't know what I'm doing," I said, still tapping on the NON-touch screen tv.

The polite guy walked me through it, "Put the money in the container and push the button, then someone will show up. I know it's weird, believe me. I feel like I'm banking in the future."

"This is crazy. I'm never coming to this bank again," I said. And with that I made my deposit talking to the guy in the tv screen who works in the basement. I seriously just walked into the bank and had no human contact with a teller. Unbelievable. Also, these poor tellers are working in a basement...ummmm, sucks for them.

Honestly, they might as well have robots working there. What's the point? I walk into a bank expecting to interact with another person, and I talk to a man in a tv. I know that's what the drive-up is for, and if my car window rolled down believe me, I'd be all over that.

But I have to walk in and do my business inside. It's the way of the world for me and my Pontiac Grand Am. So as you can see, this kind of awkward banking experience happens to me a lot. Seriously, I don't think Julia Roberts has ever had to go through something like this.

Bates Motel

I went to wedding this weekend. It was a nice wedding. Beautiful bride and wonderful music. Very enjoyable. The bridesmaids looked clad in their "Little Bo Peep" dresses - their words...not mine. But they did kind of look like Blue Sheepherders.

With every wedding there are speeches. I've given one as a maid-of-honor at my bff Andrea's wedding last August. I kept it short but meaningful. I didn't put in a bunch of "inside jokes" or embarrassing stories. I followed "THE RULES."

Unfortunately, at this wedding the maid-of-honor speech ran 10 minutes too long - I'm not exaggerating. This speech was literally 10 minutes long. I died a slow death that night, and almost died (seriously) later that night. I'll get to that later. Anway, the maid-of-honor had way too much to drink, so she rambled on and on and on AND ON about this sandwich - or what she liked to call - "SAMwich." The sandwich wasn't a critical part of the story. She should've stopped after her first story. Yes, she told more than one.

After the first story I couldn't even look at the head table. I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable. The entire reception hall slowly went into this awkward silence wishing that she would finally wrap up her SAMwich and call it a day. After about five more minutes of a story that was going nowhere, she finally finished her speech. Like on cue, everyone let out a sigh of relief. Thank god that was over.

Before I get to the part where I seriously thought I was going to die, let me tell you about the dinner rolls, because dinner rolls are very important in any meal. Well, every person at the reception received a basket of dinner rolls except our table! I was starving. Andrea and Jeremy weren't starving as much as I was because they ate at BWW during our 3 hour lapse between the wedding and reception. I wanted to save myself for the meal. Bad idea. While everyone else enjoyed their dinner rolls, we all sat drooling over our empty plates. Finally, a server stopped by our table and we informed her that we needed dinner rolls.

We all got served our salad, then our meal, then our rolls. But we got extra rolls. And HOT rolls right out of the oven. It's safe to say that we got the best dinner rolls in the entire state of Wisconsin. They were tasty!!!! And we were all able to have two! How wonderful.

Okay, now to the part where my life almost ended. So, I stayed at a motel because I wasn't sure if I would be able to drive home after the dance. I played it safe and booked a room across the road. When I checked in (before the reception) and pulled up to my room at The Royal Inn (nice name, right?) I got in and unpacked. The room smelled musty like an attic mixed with bad breath. Gross. So I sprayed my body spray all over the place in hope to mask the smell until my nose got used to it.

After the reception I pulled into The Royal Inn and made myself comfortable. The interior wasn't as bad as the exterior. The motel website even states: "Don't judge us by our exterior." That probably should have been my first sign as not to stay here, but I didn't want to spend over $100 a night, just to sleep. Well, I fell asleep and awoke around 2 or 3 am. I had an end room, and I heard two men talking outside. Actually, they were yelling at each other. For example:

"Take your mother-effing business somewhere else. I don't want to see your effing face again!"
"Nonononononono! I ain't doing nothing wrong."
Then there was some pushing (I'm guessing).
"I don't care. This is my place and you don't do business here. If you know what's good for you.."
blah blah blah, scary blah blah...

So I'm in bed, curled up in a tiny little ball with wide eyes thinking, "Ohmygosh, this is it. This is the end. One of the scary talking guys is gonna pull out a gun and shoot the other one, but miss and the bullet is gonna come through the wall and kill me. They won't find me until after check-out, and my dead body is going to be all over the news!"

I was freaking out. I thought about calling 911, but if I could hear them, then they could probably hear me, right? And I definitely didn't want to be a witness to anything. So I waited out their 5 minute "conversation" about drugs or pimping, or whatever, and fell back asleep. When I woke up, I was alive and well, but I got the hell out of there, and will never return again.

I'm happy to be alive.

Ghost Face Did It

Last week I went and saw Scre4m. I wanted to go with my brother, but he was busy. So I asked my friend Kory if he could come with me, but he was busy too. My mom said she would go with me, but my mom hasn't seen any of the Scream movies, so I didn't want to have to explain everything to her. I really wanted to see the movie, so I went by myself.

It was an early evening movie, so hardly anybody was at the theaters and no one was in the Scre4m theater. Just me. Just me and my large popcorn and pop combo. Yum. I love movie popcorn. It's so good, and so bad for your health, but so good!

Since no one was in the theater with me, I had my choice of seats. I picked the last row, because I wanted to be able to see everything...it's a scary movie I wanted to know that no one was behind me. Paranoid? No, just smart. Anyway, I texted Kory to make him feel bad about not coming to the movie with me, saying that I was all by myself. He had a paper to finish for school, so there was no way he would be able to make it to the movie.

I put my phone away, because even though I was the only one in the theater, I still like to put away my distractions and make my $20 movie going experience worth it. About 30 minutes into the movie, someone walked in and stopped where the theater opens up to the seats. I couldn't make out who it was. I was a little freaked out, because the person stood there watching the movie for like 5 minutes. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I figured it was just one of the employees because they left.

Finally, I thought, now I can watch my scary movie in peace. NOT! The next thing I see is someone wearing the Scream (ghost face) mask come barreling into the theater and up the steps. He stood above me, and I knew it was Kory. It was, thank God, because if it wasn't...well, I would've been out of that theater in two seconds.


He knew I was alone in the theater, since I texted him that information. And he was the guy who came in and scoped out the theater before scaring me with the ghost face mask. Kory could only stay for a few minutes, because he had to go and turn in his paper, but I give him credit for trying to scare me.

The movie was really good. I was surprised by the ending, as usual. If you're into the Scream movies, then I recommend seeing the 4th movie. It was nice seeing the cast back together after ten years.

Holy BALLS!

The other day on my way home from work I was listening to the radio and 4:00 Trivia came on. Normally, I never call in...even if I know the answer, but this was for two free movie tickets, so I HAD to call in.

The question was: "Stairs and bicycles are two of the top three inanimate objects that cause accidents. What is the third inanimate object?"

I thought for about two seconds when BALLS came to my mind. Balls, balls, balls, it has to be balls. People get hit with balls all the time. I've had two accidents where balls were the number one cause. When I was about 14 I played short-stop and I got hit by a line drive right in the mouth. It hurt really bad. No teeth were lost, but there was a lot of blood.

In high school, my coach had me out in right field, and I was sprinting to catch a fly ball. I ran so fast that I didn't pay any attention to my surroundings. The next thing I remember is literally bouncing off the fence with my FACE and landing on the ground. I had fence markings on my chin for about a week. *I caught the ball, though, but when I fell to the ground the ball fell out, and the umpire said it wasn't an out. What a lousy ump.*

BALLS! It has to be. So I start dialing. Busy signal. Redial. Busy Signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. I couldn't get through. Typical.

Then the song ends and someone guesses the toilet. Wrong. I know it's balls, so I call in again. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. I give up.

The next person guesses a ladder. Good guess, but wrong. So the radio host gives a clue, "It's something you throw." Ugh, I was right!!!! But I couldn't get through. I'm spinning angry.

I didn't even try again to call in, because only a dummy would call in and get the answer wrong. There was no use for me to keep redialing only to hear more busy signals. Those movie passes could've been mine. Balls.

Playwright = Me

I'm officially a playwright. I guess I was officially a playwright when I won the competition, but last night I actually felt it when I watched my play, "A Little Bit," on stage. It was a nerve-wracking experience up until last night, but wonderful none-the-less.

Yesterday, I spent my day doubting myself and my play: Would people laugh? Would they enjoy it? I hope they don't walk away from it saying it was a waste of money.

I am my own worst critic. My stomach was in knots...literal knots. I was so nervous that I barely had an appetite. And I always have an appetite.

Anyway, to make a long story short, my play did a fine job. My three actors really played well off of each other and the audience laughed appropriately. I was very touched to have about 25 close friends and family come to the performance just to see my play. That was my favorite part of the whole night.

Catching Up

I'm going to make this post a quick read, bullet style.

- I saw Cedar Rapids this week, and it was great! I've always wanted to see a movie by myself, and I finally got to do it. It was a very enlightening experience, and I can cross it off my bucket list now...not the movie, but the act of seeing the movie alone ;)

- Started my job this week. So far, so good. Actually, I really, really, really like it. The people are awesome, and I'm sincerely looking forward to learning about insurance.

- I cast my play this week too. (I've had a very eventful week) I'm very happy with the three parts I was able to fill. Right when I saw and heard the two women that read for the leads, I knew I had to pick them. They were perfect! Plus, the rest of the auditions were kids under the age of 15...I couldn't possibly have a 7 year old play the part of a pregnant woman. That would not look good.

- The weather is amazing here! And when I say "amazing" I mean upper 50 degree weather. That's pretty good here, especially when I can still see snow patches and mounds in the front yard. So I played some basketball with my niece after she got off the bus. It felt good to be outside without a jacket on.

- Watched the movie Unstoppable from Netflix. It was a very stressful viewing experience. Very stressful.

Do you know how I know why I will never be on Jeopardy?

The "smarties" on Jeopardy know a lot about a variety of subjects. They have to...that's how they get on the show. I like to think that I'm pretty good at Jeopardy, shouting out a few answers here and there, but really I would come in last place every single time.

Unless, of course, most of the categories were about tv, movies, (some sports) and other pop culture. I would clear the categories on my own, and the crowd would applaud at how amazingly fast I buzzed in with the right answer.

If you pay close enough attention to Jeopardy most contestants save the pop culture category for last. They pick "The History of the Wheel" or "Around the World." They know things like who invented the apple peeler, or the name of Queen Victoria's head chef, or how much wood could a wood chuck chuck! It's crazy what these people know.

But today I was watching and you know what clue none of the contestants buzzed in for with Spice Girls in the category? "Tell me what you want, what you really really want...is this popular song...?" Okay, I can't remember the clue word-for-word, but they gave part of the lyrics! No one buzzed in. Hello? It's WANNABE!

Typical Jeopardy "smarties." They may have a broad knowledge of everything textbook, but they don't know the most popular song by the Spice Girls. They may know that Millard Fillmore was the last member of the Whig Party to hold the office of president, but they don't know the name of the actor who plays the lovable Jim Halpert on The Office.

This is how I know why I will never be on Jeopardy. I can't compete with the contestants who choose "American Politics of the 1940s" over "American Pie Sequels." I really have no chance at all.

Wimpy Kid Mania

On Saturday I took my lovely little niece, Caitlyn, to Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules. It was really good. Very funny - for both adults and children.

Short review: Greg Heffley (Zachary Gordon) returns to middle school a year older - 7th grade. This time the movie focuses less on school and more on family with Greg's older brother/tormentor Rodrick (Devon Bostick) as part of the main plot. Their mother (Rachael Harris) bribes the boys with "Mom Bucks" in exchange for brother bonding. The movie soars with undeniable funny family feuding, and the loyal best friend Rowley (Robert Capron) steals a few scenes with his endearing self. Also stars Steve Zahn as Frank Heffley.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars.

I asked my niece if she liked the first Diary or this one better, and she replied: "This one."

Now I have to tell you about my experience while waiting in line to get popcorn before the movie. We arrived about 25 minutes before the movie started to give us enough time to go to the bathroom, get concessions, and find a good seat. Well, as Caitlyn and I headed to get popcorn, this little girl (about 6) raced in front of us, turned the corner to the concessions stand, and went straight up to the counter.

I noticed right away that she "cut" in line. The people (a high schooler with what looked like her younger sister), now behind her, also noticed but didn't say anything. Caitlyn and I stood in our respective spots in line. About 10 seconds later, the little 6-year-old deviant's father and brother walked up to the stand. The dad asked for five popcorns and two large sodas. The register dude said, "That comes to $40.37."

The dad was outraged at the cost. Meanwhile, Caitlyn asked what time it was. I said I didn't know, but not to worry, because we have a lot of time before the movie starts.

The father then said, "What if I get 3 popcorns and four large sodas?" The poor guy behind the counter told him that the price would still be 40 some bucks. Still outraged the dad said that was too much money. Um, yeah! CAN'T YOU READ THE PRICES IN FRONT OF YOU? Jeez.

I bent down to Caitlyn and said, "See that little girl." Caitlyn nodded. "If she wouldn't have cut in line, we would be sitting in theater by now." Caitlyn nodded again with an extra eye roll. I looked to my right and saw that the other line for concessions was moving at a regular pace. Ugh, I couldn't switch lines now, we were so close! So I stayed in my line with an annoyed look on my face.

Back to the father: Finally he decided on a large popcorn combo and another soda. The register guy asked him what kind of soda he wanted. And ya' know what? The father didn't know. He asked his two kids what they wanted...they didn't know either. So they THOUGHT about it for awhile.

Ohmigosh! I was starting to lose it. I was seriously going to throw some punches soon. Caitlyn looked at me again and asked what time it was. I told her again that we still have lots of time. I honestly had no idea what time it was, but I didn't want to worry Caitlyn that we might be late for our movie, because of some indecisive/unprepared parent. People in line behind me were also getting annoyed, shuffling their feet and rubbing their foreheads.

After they paid, the line moved fast, since everyone had plenty of time to decide on what they wanted. It's really a no-brainer...this theater concession stuff. Pretty much everyone I hear in line knows what they want before they get there. It's not like people are deciding on a five-course meal here.

When it was my turn to order I simply said, "One large popcorn with butter. That's it." Wow, that took me less than a minute to order, pay, and receive my food.

I like people. I do. But when some people pull a "stunt" like this, I get really annoyed. Quietly annoyed. I would never throw punches...haha, I wouldn't ever even say anything. I'm too scared to do something reckless like that.

Anyway, after the movie was done, Caitlyn and I walked to my car, and Caitlyn said, "Remember that girl who cut in line?"
I said, "Yeah."
"Well," Caitlyn said, "We would've gotten our popcorn a lot faster if she didn't cut."

Yep.

Wanna hear something sad?

It's not boo-hoo-hoo sad. It's pathetic sad. My favorite kind of sad.

Yesterday, our local NBC station was out because their tower was down. Instead, we received NBC out of the cities. Bummer.


Anyway, the sad part is, at 11am, I switched over to our local NBC channel to watch Kathie Lee and Hoda on Today. What I found instead was Kare 11 news. Boy, was I disappointed. Kathie Lee and Hoda are my guilty morning pleasures. I find them utterly entertaining. They drink early in the morning, interview B-List actors, and interrupt each other constantly. They're a hoot! But I didn't get to see them. My whole morning was thrown off. What was I going to watch from 11-noon?

Today is different though. My local NBC channel has been up and running since yesterday at noon. Too bad it wasn't fixed at 11. Sigh.


**I have more good news!**
I got offered a job! I'm so excited about it, and I can't wait to start. Everything is coming together for me, and I am so thankful. Plus, with this job I'll get to use my writing expertise!

Ride a Bike

Before the age of sixteen my bicycle was my only form of transportation. The faster I pedaled, the farther I ventured into my imagination: I was the cop, they were the robbers. I was a motorcyclist on the open road. I was the navigator of my airplane.

I grew up in a neighborhood with four other houses settled in a cul-de-sac. We all called it "The Circle." Across the road was my best neighborhood friend, Dusty. We would ride our bikes constantly around the circle, through our yards, and down to the stop sign at the end of our road only to turn around and do it all over again.

We would see how fast we could take the inside corner of "The Circle" where light sand and dirt settled. Sometimes we would wipe out. Sometimes not.

One time, Dusty rode on my bike handles. It wasn't safe, but it was fun. Especially when he flew off my handlebars because I hit the brakes too hard and quick. We never did that again. It sure was funny though.

When we drew our chalk houses on our driveways, our bikes were our cars and were parked in our chalk garages.

Our bikes acted as step-ladders propped next to a tree in order to get a frisbee down or to simply just climb a tree.

I would "repair" my bike in our garage. Fiddling with my dad's tools, not really doing anything to fix the unbroken bike, but to pretend that I knew how to fix my bike, because it was fun.

I loved my bike as a child. Almost everything I did growing up was with my bike. At first it was my sister's banana seater, and then I received my own NEW bike as a birthday gift around the age of 11 or so.

It saddens me to see some kids who don't appreciate the power of the bicycle. They are too busy with video games and television. My childhood was my bike and the adventures we had together, and I hope my kids (when I have them someday) will share this love too.

Wonderful News!

Last Wednesday I received some great news in the mail. A ten-minute play of mine is getting produced at a local theater!

I found that the theater was holding a New Playwright's Competition, so I entered. Two plays were accepted in each age category: Middle School, High School, and Adult. I was one of the winners in the adult category.

My play, along with the other 5 plays, will be shown on April 19th. Also, I get to act as assistant director to my play and help make decisions on costumes and music.

I'm overjoyed with the thought of it all. Even now when I think about it I can't help but smile!!!

The title of my play is A Little Bit. It's a glimpse into the lives of two friends while they sit in a hospital waiting room. And it's funny :)

Tumbling Madness

Last week, a blogger friend of mine, Krystal at Krystal's Kitsch , introduced me to tumblr.com in an around about way. She blogged about her tumblr account, and after I checked out her page I spent a couple hours browsing the website and liked what it was all about. So I decided to hop on the bandwagon.

Tumblr is another way to post whatever you want - you can blog, post pictures, videos, links, whatever! Well, I like blogging from blogger better than I do from tumblr. No worries...I will still be on blogger! I use tumblr to post pictures, videos, and quotes - just a few random things a day that I create/like. It's a quick and easy way to share anything. I like it for it's simplicity.

If you'd like to check out tumblr for yourself, go ahead. But be forewarned...you may get hooked. I did ;)

Here is my tumblr address: http://laughingand.tumblr.com/

Squirrel!!!

I've never been squirrel shooting before. I know people who really enjoy the sport, because it's fast-paced and it really tests your shooting accuracy.

We have a big gray squirrel that eats out of our bird feeder in the backyard. Yesterday, my niece and nephew were at our house, and I pointed out to them the squirrel gobbling up the bird seed.

I said, "I'm gonna get the BB gun!" They both smiled in excitement. Aunt Kinsey is going hunting!

Outside on the deck I squatted with the gun pointed at the bird feeder. No squirrel in sight. In the window were four little eyes staring at me with their noses pressed to the pane. Connor gave me a thumbs up and Addie blew me a kiss.

I was a warrior ready for battle against the evil gray-haired squirrel. When he returned, I was going to pop him one and scare him away for good.

After 10 minutes of standing in the 30 degree winter weather, I shivered in disappointment and went back inside, defeated. The squirrel must have known that I was out there. Sneaky little vermin.

All three of us sat inside and watched out the window for the return of the chubby mammal. And what to our hunting eyes did appear? A little red squirrel. Good enough for me!!

I ran out of the house, sneaked up the tiny fuzzball, and aimed. I missed. The little thing sprinted towards the woods. In turn, I stepped on the bench railing of our deck and shot again. He knew I was after him, and he ran away in fright.

Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or sometime in the future the squirrel and I will meet again. And I will be ready. Yes, I will be ready. Connor gave me some good advice that I'll have to take into account next time: He said, "Aunt Kinsey, I think you need to wear camouflage."

What I Overheard

Last night, I didn't go to Trivia. Kory had homework and Andrea and Jeremy had church to attend. So my mom and I went out to eat and to a movie - Just Go With It. The movie was great! Really funny. I loved it.

We ate at Perkins because it was Customer Appreciation Week and they had some really good deals. A family of five sat behind me. Two little boys and a girl. I overheard a lot of their conversations, and I just have to share some of what I heard, because it was so cute.

The mom to her son: "I love you too much to argue with you."

The mom asking one of her sons: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
He replied, "I want to be an electricity man like my uncle!"

The two boys conversing about K-Mart across the street: "How many cars do you think are out there?"
"20-30, maybe 55."
"I think 2." He laughs, "No, I don't think 2. I was joking." He laughs more.

It was just so fun to listen to these kids talk. And while they kept me interested, the little girl in the high chair kept smiling at my mom. I'm happy to say that these kids didn't complain or scream or cry about anything after their mom said, "I love you too much to argue with you." Good parenting. Good job!

Trivia in Chippewa

As most of you know Wednesday means Team Trivia night for my friends and me. We started back in October at a bar in Stanley. Then after they stopped hosting there, we moved to a place in Eau Claire. Now we go to a bar/restaurant in Chippewa Falls.

Well, last week was our first week in Chippewa Falls at The Sheeley House. Kory and I arrived first, so it's our job to start thinking up a clever name for our team so we can win the free pitcher of beer at halftime. Previously, in Stanley and Eau Claire, the best team name won a free pitcher of beer...we've only won the pitcher a couple of times.

And in Stanley and in Eau Claire we were competing with some pretty clever and rude team names. One team always joked about Helen Keller and Anne Frank. Lately, people have been picking on Scott Walker. We once won with the name: "I tried to use penis as my password, but my computer said it was too short" - rude but worthy of free beer.

So Kory and I sat at The Sheeley House scoping out the other teams around us. We figured that they, like the other teams we played against in other towns, were just as clever and funny with their names. I mean, hello, it's a free pitcher of beer we're playing for!

We decided to use the name: "I like my women like I like my wine - 12 years old and locked in the cellar." (I think pedophilia is awful...but the team name was funny, so we used it). Our other team members agreed with the name. Hopefully the pitcher of beer would be ours.

Eight other teams were there, and when our standings were announced at halftime we awaited the creativity of names the other trivia teams had thought up. Boy, were we wrong. The DJ announced the names and the points accordingly. Here's how it went: The Jokers, 18 points, We Love The Sheeley House, 19 points, I'm Batman, 22 points, I like my women like I like my wine - 12 years old and in the cellar, 23 points.

Oh my gosh, we all sank in our seats. No other team was playing it funny and clever like us! How humiliating. Luckily, the other teams laughed at our name respectively. However, there is no free pitcher of beer at The Sheeley House. No wonder we were the only team with a rude/sick name.

Tonight, we will again drive to The Sheeley House for trivia. This time though, our name will be of a different sort.

Confirm Your Address

Why is it that when you enter information into a form on a web page to win a contest there is always that line that says: Confirm e-mail address. So just by typing in my email twice...it's a confirmation?

Same with passwords. What's magical about entering the password again? I don't get it. Frankly, I find it a little annoying when I have to type in the same exact information consecutively on a web page.

I would rather have a confirmation e-mail sent to my address where, then, I can confirm that I'm entering to win a pink punching bag on fitness.com.

If I win that pink punching bag, the first thing I'm going to do is punch out my frustration about this ridiculous e-mail and password confirmation hoopla. Sheesh, I tell ya.

What's the Deal with Meteorologists?

I like watching the news. I like watching the weather even more, because I'm interested in knowing what the temperature is going to be in the morning, at noon, and night. I love the 7-day forecast. It's my favorite part.

But what's the deal with meteorologists? Just tell me the weather. Seriously, all I need is a screen with numbers in Fahrenheit and pictures of clouds. I don't want you to explain what fog is or a bunch of other fast-talking information you feel is important. All I want is the weather.

Frankly, I don't even need a meteorologist. In my perfect world the meteorologist would stay behind the scenes. If they did come out and present the weather it would go something like this: "It's going to thunderstorm today until about 5:00 pm. Tomorrow is going to be sunny with a high of 75. Here's your 7-day forecast." Then they would walk away.

Instead, I get this..."Good Thursday afternoon. We have a low pressure system coming from the South. The national weather system says blahblahblah, but blahblahblah, I don't really get it. Hey, am I still talking? Ha, I think I have the best job in the world. I'm almost always wrong. We've had a week of record temperatures, but it might snow tomorrow. Then it will be pretty nice again next week. Something about some counties blahblahblah, and more counties that aren't even in our viewing area...let's talk about them for awhile. Oh, and in Texas the temperatures are in the blahboogerblah. But we live in Wisconsin. Maybe I should spend time actually talking about our state. I like to wave my arms and hands around to distract you viewers from seeing the 7-day forecast. Guess what? It took me three hours to figure out how to make that sun on the screen sparkle. Like my tie? It's festive. Now that I've wasted your time, back to you."

So annoying. I find myself zoning out when the weather comes on - like I'm in a trance. I have a theory that my local meteorologist is actually hypnotizing the viewers into thinking he's actually good at his job. My only defense is the mute button on the remote...if I can get to it in time.

Wednesday Musings: Take Fourteen

I haven't done a Wednesday Musing in awhile. I thought it was time for one.

-My nephew, Alec, loves game shows. He's only 7 months old! He loves Family Feud, Jeopardy, and The Price is Right! It's so funny. He likes watching The Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb too. Is it time for an intervention?

-Yesterday I went for a run and I saw six people snowshoeing by the creek. Good for them.

-CBS' new show Mad Love on Monday is really funny. Watch it.

-I recently watched the movie Trick 'r' Treat on Netflix and it's a great Halloween movie. I wish it would've been on instant streaming this Halloween, because it would've royally freaked me out. Needless to say, watching in in February didn't make it less scary. I watched most of it through my fingers.

The Cover Letter that I've Been Dying to Write

2010 was a year of disappointments for me career wise. My favorite was when I applied to a local newspaper and got rejected in two ways: email and snail mail. Thanks. On the flipside, at least they let me know that they found someone else.

I've been tempted to write a cover letter to really get across my argument of why a company should hire me as a writer (technical, creative, proofreader, whatever). So here it is, my no holds back cover letter that I will never send out because it would get rejected faster than Christina Aguilera ran off the football field.

Dear Reviewer:

I heard about your job opening, because I'm desperate for a job in a field where I spent four years of my life and money at a wonderful university. I would like to apply for this position, because I know I would do an outstanding job.

I graduated from Winona State University with a Bachelors Degree in English: Writing. If I would've known that all you employers were just interested in experience, then I would've gotten an Associates Degree in Administrative Assistance (because apparently I can't even get hired for that unless I have an degree in answering phones...no offense to secretaries, I'm sure the job is harder than it looks) and spent the other two years working on getting experience before my actual experience. Too bad I didn't know this. Be that as it may, I think my four years at Winona State gave me equal or even better of an experience in writing as a job would.

Furthermore, I've had more than eight years experience with computers. Although I don't have "job experience" entering data into a computer, I've spent half of my life working with multiple computer software including Microsoft Office. If a monkey can do it, so can I. While attending school I worked as a waitress where I assisted the guests with excellent customer service in person and over the phone. I'm a great people-person who can handle stressful situations with a smile and a great attitude. I know I would be an important asset to your company, because I'm a creative, energetic, and hard-working individual who is more than ready for a job in the career path I've studied all my life for. Attached is my resume. Don't get scared off by my multiple past jobs. I worked summers to help pay for my overpriced education.

I will contact your office within a week to confirm that you received my application. Don't sound so surprised, I do know how to dial a telephone.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Kinsey Bodenburg


Wow, that felt good. The sad part is, besides how desperate and rude I sound, half of my submissions don't even get looked at. A computer searches for certain words and picks out the application, or somebody just chooses candidates that they know. So really, I have a slim chance to get a good writing job. I've applied all over the U.S. and nothing back yet besides a few rejections. I guess time will tell.

I'm a Packer, You're a Packer, We're a Packer

Born and raised in Wisconsin. Cheese fanatic - in my mouth or on my head. Favorite color is green. Would love to have gold...gold anything. An undying love for NFL football. Can brave the frigid temperatures at Lambeau Field for three hours surrounded by the warm company of Green Bay Packers fans!

That's me! I love the Packers. I do, I do, I do. And that's what I'll say to any GB player who proposes to me.

The Super Bowl last night was AMAZING!! Fantastic! At times, it was frustrating and I almost thought it was over and we were going to lose, and good thing we didn't, because I would've cried. I would've still been proud of them, sure, but I'm so happy we won!

I can say "we" like I'm part of the team, because I am. I think anyone who loves a team feels like they belong to it, because it kind of represents who they are. Boy, now I'm getting kind of sentimental here. But I'm on a roll...

It's like everything a person does reflects them. The people they hang out with, the tv shows they watch and books they read, their actions, fashion, attitudes, and hobbies. So the Packers are a part of me and I am a part of them. The same with Hugh Laurie. He may not know it, but I'm a part of him and he's a part of me...well, I may not be a part of me...because he doesn't know me, but someday! Ha! Not so sentimental anymore. That didn't take long.

Okay, time to end this post because House is on and I made my point - The Green Bay Packers are awesome. And I love them. And they deserved their win last night. And I love them. I do ;)

Pajama Jeans or Jeggings?

Have you seen the Pajama Jeans infomercial? The product they're selling is a pair of pants that look like jeans but feel like pajama pants!! O-M-G! This is the best thing in the whole wide world. I want one, I want 5, I want millions!


Juuuuust kidding. Maybe if they actually did look like jeans and not a pair of "jeans" my Barbie wore back in the 90's, then maybe I would buy them. But they look awful - especially the front where a zipper should be . Eesh, jeans need zippers, not fake stitchings that look like a zipper should be in that region. And they cost $40.00 + s/h!! I'm sorry, but that's way too expensive for a pair of pajama pants.

So what's the difference between Pajama Jeans and Jeggings?

Ummm, jeggings are just better.

Jeggings are leggings that look like jeans. They are leggings. They aren't sweatpants that look like jeans. Leggings and jeggings are fashionable. Plus, they are more cost friendly.

When you wear leggings or jeggings, more often than not, you wear a longer shirt. So even if there is a faux zipper, it's covered. And even if you don't, the outfit looks just fine because jeggings are in and Pajama Jeans are not. I know I don't have much of an argument here, but if you're ever confronted with a choice between Pajama Jeans and Jeggings, pick jeggings. My 2 1/2 year old niece even wears jeggings. She's got style.

But if you're not one to wear tight fitting pants like leggings and jeggings, then don't. I advise against the Pajama Jeans, though...I especially advise against wearing them in PUBLIC if you already own them. Remember, just say no to the PJ Jeans and yes to real jeans or jeggings.

Stuck in an Elevator

Ever said something, then five minutes later completely regret it because it came true? I have. Plenty of times.

A couple of weekends ago I went to the Rascal Flatts concert at the Xcel Energy center in St. Paul, MN. My friend, Heather, had two tickets so she invited me to go with her. We had a really great time! Rascal Flatts did an amazing job!! Chris Young and Luke Bryan opened for them...they were awesome too :)

To get to the concert, we parked in a parking garage and then walked to the elevator since we had to go up about 5 or 6 levels. As we stood in the cold, frigid Minnesota air waiting for the elevator to arrive, Heather turned to me and said, "I hope the elevator doesn't get stuck and we miss the whole concert."

I couldn't believe my ears. Did she just say what I thought she just said?? I replied, "Heather! Don't say that. That would suck if we missed the concert."

Finally the elevator opened up and we poured in. All six of us, plus the six who were already in there. Then four more people scrunched in - idiots, we were already jammed in there like sardines. The extra four made it even more uncomfortable for 16 strangers to be shoulder to shoulder in a hot elevator.

We went up one floor. Then all of sudden the elevator stopped. Heather and I looked at each other, since we both knew that it was her fault that the elevator stopped working.

"Omigosh! Is the elevator stuck? Omigosh, omigosh! I cant' believe this is happening," was what the Rascal Flatts t-shirt wearing sardines all said.

Heather and I just stared at each other. Then she said, "I shouldn't have said that."

"Um, yeah, Heather, you hexed us. Don't say anything else while we're stuck in here," I ordered her. Then we both laughed. Holy crappola! It was unbelievable.

The lady closest to the buttons pressed the emergency one. Then the intercom came on and told us not to panic and that they had someone on their way.

Luckily for us, we weren't stuck between floors, so the strong sardines in the front pried the door open. We all flooded out, climbed the 4+ floors, and enjoyed the concert.

After the concert we (dumbly) waited for the elevator again. I reminded Heather, in good humor, to not say anything about elevators getting stuck ever again.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Kinsey

I never told the blogging world about my trip to Los Angeles in December for the Screenwriter's Summit. Well, it was amazing. I learned a lot about screenwriting and I'm so happy that I went, because it sparked a lot of ideas for my scripts. I have already seen my writing improve.

While we were there, we saw some famous people. Gwyneth Paltrow got her star on the walk of fame, so we saw her, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Matthew Morrison (from Glee), Ross Matthews, Amy Adams, and Rob Corddry. Pretty amazing, huh? And we saw all those people within an hour of each other.

Paltrow, McGraw, Hill, Morrison, and Matthews were there for her star ceremony. Amy Adams and Rob Corddry were filming a scene for the upcoming Muppets movie.

The best part was that Ross Matthews saw me and waved excitedly to me. He heard me say his name when I was talking to my parents, then he turned and looked at me, I waved, he smiled and waved...magic, haha! If you don't know who Ross Matthews is he's known as Ross the Intern on Jay Leno, and he's frequently on Chelsea Lately as part of the roundtable discussion.

After we returned from L.A. I browsed some pictures of Gwyneth Paltrow getting her star and in the background was ME!!! Too bad none of the photos that I was in made the magazines, but it's on the internet :) Close enough for me.

Deleting Friends

I had two intertwined conversations yesterday with two different people at two different times, but about the same subject. The first wasn't even a real "conversation" as in face-to-face, but on Facebook. One of my friends put as her status that she was annoyed at how many people were trying to friend her that she didn't know.

I commented on her status because I agreed with her. I had two friend requests a couple days ago from my high school. But I didn't know them. Sure, we graduated from the same school, but I don't know you. The requests were from students still in high school...ummm, I don't know you! My friend who put this as her status had the same complaint. Weird? Not really, this happens a lot. I "ignore" friend requests more than I accept.

Later, at trivia last night (we didn't win and we got our regular waitress...thank god) my bff told me about how she just went through her Facebook friends and deleted a lot of them. We talked a little about it, and I said that I needed to do that too, because I really only talk to about a dozen of my friends on there.

So, today, even though I added about three or four friends on my Facebook page, I deleted about 100 of them. Most of them were from college - the random "add" of someone who I had class with. It was convenient at the time, because if I ever missed class I could just message them about homework or tests. But now, that's not the case. So I deleted them.

I kept all my relatives, people from my graduating class (I don't want our reunion to be awkward if I see them and we're not "friends") and people I still keep in touch with or am interested in hearing about - which is different than stalking.

In a few months I'll probably delete more friends, but if I can delete them with one push of button and not regret it...were they truly a friend to begin with?

Tips

Last week, I went out with some friends to a restaurant/bar for Trivia night. We always order food and drinks - a pitcher right away. Normally, we get the same waitress every week. She knows us, we know her, she does a good job, and in turn we tip her very well.

It was a different story last week. Our waitress was NOT GOOD. Since I used to wait tables, I had some sympathy for her, but she never redeemed herself. Let's count the ways she messed up:

1. She didn't ask us if we wanted anything to drink when she sat us.

2. When she came back, after 10 minutes, we ordered a pitcher then asked for menus.

3. Ten minutes later (see a trend?) she came back with the pitcher but NO menus.

4. Ten minutes later she came back with the menus.

5. When she came back, we already finished our pitcher, and had gotten a new one from the bar...that's how long she was gone. We ordered.

6. One of us ordered wings and when he asked if he could have sauce on the side, she said "Bleu cheese or ranch?" He corrected her and described "sauce" like mild, bbq, or hot. Then she said, "We have salsa." I had to cover my face, because I was laughing so hard.

7. She came back with our food, and the sauce guy didn't get anything with his wings...no sauce, no bleu cheese, nothing. Just wings. He asked where his sauce was. She forgot.

8. Later, she asked if any of us needed a box. One of us did.

9. She brought us our bill.

10. She collected our bill, we asked for our box since she forgot it.

When she brought us our bill, mine came to $7.90, and since she did a wonderfully awful job, I decided to tip her $.10 and make it an even 8 bucks. What I didn't expect was that she would take our bill before she brought us our "forgotten" box. When she returned with the box, she obviously saw that I only left her a dime, she didn't even look at us. She was peeved.

Honestly, she did a really bad job. I don't feel bad for only leaving her a tiny tip. Her total tip was probably $8.00 total, so she really had nothing to complain about.

I must say that when we left the restaurant we had to pass her and she did not look happy. This was a tough lesson for her. Maybe she will do a better job next time. Hopefully, we won't get her tonight. One word - awkward.

Resolution: To Make Resolutions

Talk about late New Year resolution making. Sheesh, it's almost February. Better late than never, is what I like to say. Or as others say: excuses...excuses.

I was a little hungover to start my resolution on the 1st of January anyway. Now that I'm over that 25 days of post-party"ness" I would like to start my 2011 year with a whirring noise of the elliptical machine in my basement instead of a bang. We need to oil it...it shouldn't be making a noise. That will be part of my first resolution. Let's call it number 1.25.

My other resolution...yeah, I have TWO, this is going to be a good year...is to finish all my scripts that I've started. And that number would be, wait while I check, twelve. Holy crap, twelve! I didn't know I had that many. Sonofamother! That's a lot. Okay, new second resolution: Finish only the good scripts that I've started. In that case, my number goes down. Plus, I've finished three of them already. So this new number *cough* five *cough* is more manageable.

To sum up this really short blog post, only for the sake of writing "To sum up," my resolutions are:

1) Work-out at least three days a week
1.25) Oil that elliptical machine
2) Finish the good scripts

That doesn't sound too hard. On the other hand, it took me 25 days to get this resolution thing sorted out...26 actually, since I'm starting tomorrow.

Guilty or not Guilty Pleasure

*I would've taken a picture of that crazy yard, but I don't pass that house anymore. That Friday, I quit my job since more possibilities were waiting for me somewhere else. But for some reason, if I pass that house again, I will make sure to snap a quick pic with my phone*

Guilty pleasures. Mine are Lifetime movies, Hallmark movies, and really bad Syfy movies...the ones with horrible graphics of a man-eating dinorobot terrorizing people on a remote island. What are the chances??

As I watched The Today Show and Live! With Regis and Kelly this morning, Kourtney and Kim Kardashian were being interviewed, and one of the hosts mentioned that their reality show is a "guilty pleasure." This spurned some thoughts for me. What is the definition of a guilty pleasure?

According to the first result from a Google search, "Guilty Pleasure" is defined as "Something one enjoys despite feeling guilt for it." Pretty self-explanatory.

Keeping up with the Kardashians, and the related other shows with the family, are not my guilty pleasure. They are just a true pleasure. I love this family. They're funny, relatable, and (yes, I'm going to say it) real. I know most reality tv isn't real. Don't preach that to me, because I know this to be true. Some reality shows aren't real...they're scripted.

I don't know for sure if this show is scripted. If you watch it, they don't seem to be acting or reading off of a script. I think they heighten the drama and sometimes they have to re-enact what happened the day before or something that happened a month before...but it was real at one point.

This show, these shows, Take Miami, and Take New York (which premieres on Sunday with Kourtney and Kim on E!) are truly entertaining for me. They are not, however, guilty pleasures. I proudly admit to watching them. They may be rude, goofy, and shocking...but they sure are fun to watch. Heck, my mom even loves them, and if you know my mom, that really says something about the Kardashians...or something about my mom...hmmm.

I'm not blogging about the Kardashians to change anybody's mind about them. Honestly, this is just another thing for me to write about.

At least I'm not blogging about The Hills or The City. Like, I totally, like dislike that like show, or like those like shows. Like, yeah. Like, like, like...I mean like, that like show, like makes my head like hurt.

One man's guilty pleasure is another man's pleasure.

What's yours? Guilty or not.

Lawn Gnomes Camping in the Yard

There should be a Regulation Lawn Toy(s) Law. It may be "in style" to put out lawn gnomes in your garden here and there, or eye-pleasing to stick a wind-powered flower light generator in your yard, and it's even welcoming to hang a seasoned flag from your door, but when you cross that thin line of too much stuff in your yard, I have a problem.

And like the saying goes: too much is not always a good thing.

I drive back and forth to work everyday. You see, because I need to go to work and then come back home. Hence: back and forth. While I take this monotonous drive every morning and every night, I pass by this two-story home.

This home could be beautiful. Some little fixes to the siding and the roof would make this house look like a pleasant place to live. The problem is, though, that this place is a dump.

The owners have a hodge-podge of items scattered throughout their front lawn. More like junk than actually items. A run-down pop-up camper sits directly in the front of the house. Poles stick up randomly throughout the yard, a "fort" made out of boards and black and green, ripped tarp sits next to the camper, and lawn ornaments (if I can even call them ornaments) are scattered in no particular fashion throughout. There are boards laying everywhere with words painted on them...none of which say "For Sale" or "Free, please take it so my house doesn't look like a dump!"

If only there was a law that made the owners of this house clean up their place. It amazes me that they can come home every night and manage to navigate through their yard without stepping on a land-mine.

And here's what really bothers me: these people probably have NO problem with how their house looks to the public. I think people should be able to put anything (that is legal) in their BACKyard. The front yard, however, should have some regulations, because this house is an eye sore.

Now, I have always thought that lawn gnomes are pretty frickin' cute. And if there's one hiding in your garden watching over your plants, that's wonderful...because that gnome has a purpose.

On the other hand, if you have a tarp-tent and a gross, old camper sitting right next to each other in the middle of Winter...I have a serious issue with that. It's hard to believe that someone is residing in the holey tarp-tent, or windowless camper in January. No Purpose - get rid of it.