Assignment for my Humor Writing Class

Assignment: Write a "news" piece (a fake news piece) of 250 words or more. A “news” piece is usually parody since you’d use the informative, objective style of the news and debase the subject, so this will likely be another parody.

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“A True Purple Viking”


In the fight for the NFC Championship, Vikings QB Brett Favre took a beating from the Saints’ defense. The bruises on his hamstring and ankle are large and purple – what most bruises tend to look like, especially for a forty year old trying to prove that he can still play football. A doctor on the scene reports, “Elderly people are particularly susceptible to extended or excessive bruising and the complications that can come from it, so it's a good idea to keep a close eye on their bruises.”


Will he or won’t he be returning seems to be on everybody’s minds in the great Midwest. Last year, he signed with the Vikings conveniently after training camp. On Brett Favre’s official website he states, “When I decided to return to the NFL to play my 19th season, I did so with some trepidation. After all, I was joining a new team in a new city, for the archrivals of the ‘green and gold.’ And I’m not getting any younger.”


Rick Spielman, Vice President of player personnel for the Vikings said that they will let Brett Favre do what he wants to do. Nobody tells Brett Favre what to do. He is the drama queen, excuse me, king of quarterbacks. The Vikings shouldn’t wait too long though, because if Favre doesn’t return for his 20th season, then the Vikings are out one quarterback. If they want to trade for Donovan McNabb, they’re going to have to get a clear statement from Favre on whether he is returning or retiring.


We’ll see you next season Favre, after training camp is over, I’m sure. Meanwhile, ice your hammy and elevate your ankle. Hopefully, your bruises will fade before next season starts.