Friday, November 19, 2010

Come on baby, light my...sign

On the way home from my nephew's first birthday last weekend, I couldn't help but notice numerous signs that needed fixing.

Bake Squa - I'm just thankful Bakers Square doesn't have a "w" instead of an "r" in their name.

Flee Farm - I don't think this is the kind of marketing Fleet Farm is looking for when trying to attract customers.

Texas Roadho - ummmm, inappropriate. Yes, inappropriate. But I shouldn't judge, the Roadho's in Texas might be some classy ladies who serve up delectable dishes.

So to all the Minnesota companies and to companies everywhere with lighted signs, keep an eye on your signs. You don't want to send out the wrong message.

And on a completely different note: I saw HARRY POTTER and the Deathly Hallows last night at MIDNIGHT!!! It was amazing. I think it's by far the best one yet. Since I haven't read the books past the second one, I was on the edge of my seat wondering what was going to happen next. I can't wait for part 2 to come out this summer. After that one though, I'm going to read all the books. If you're a Harry Potter fan, this is a must-see.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Sometimes I feel paranoid about things. I think everyone has paranoid moments. It's normal. Everyone can probably think of a time where they thought somebody or everybody was out to get them, or something else...What? Stop looking at me like that.

I can seriously get myself worked up or freaked out about tiny little things. Minuscule things, sounds, looks, whatever. Like this one time on Halloween:

I prepped myself for being alone on Halloween by watching a couple scary movies - mistake number one. Then I looked up the history of Halloween on the internet as it started to get dark outside - mistake number two. When I went outside to check to see if my jack-0-lantern was shining brightly and not on fire, I heard a rustling in the woods. My paranoid mind went straight to "OMG there's a serial killer in the woods, and he knows I'm alone, and the reason why I haven't had any trick-or-treaters yet is because they are scared to trick-0r-treat at the house where the scary man is lurking!!!" So I stood outside for a couple of minutes and just stared into the woods, half hoping to not see something, but still kind of hoping that a gigantic squirrel will jump out with a mouth full of acorns.

Nothing was there, but my mind went straight to the worst possible thought, instead of thinking that a branch could have easily fell from a tree, or a chipmunk ran through the leaves, or the wind blew. No, I had to think of a serial killer.

Another time, just recently actually, had me awake in my bed at 3 o'clock in the morning. The weather outside was frightful, but the fire was sure delightful....oh boy. The weather was bad outside, and I kept hearing noises above me in our "attic." (I air quote attic, because it's not your typical attic. It's rafters) So, I heard a boom, bang, crash, pitter patter noises, and I thought, "OMG someone or something is up in our rafters!!" Then I listened closer and I swear that I heard my car door open. Then I thought, "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY CAR!" And the next thought - "Well, then I'll get a new car."

The more I listened, the more random the noises sounded. I couldn't differentiate what bang was outside or what boom was above my head. I grabbed my cell phone and looked up local news stories on the web, and what did I find??? "Armed Robbery in Altoona, Suspects on the Loose." AHHHHHH, Altoona isn't far from my town, and two men are on the loose! One with a bat and one with a long gun. (Reporter's words, not mine) Que paranoid self and this is what came out: "The two men are robbing our house, very slowly (because now it's almost 5 am, so they've been at it for 2 hours now), they are going to steal my car, and for some reason they are making a lot of noise up in our "attic." OMG, they're stealing our deck furniture that we keep stored up there!!"

Finally I fell asleep, and when I asked my parents about the noise, they convinced me it was snow falling off the trees and blowing on our roof. Then my dad said that it could have been a squirrel stuck in our rafters.

Those darn squirrels.

Friday, November 12, 2010

A Cougar Jingle...who knew?

Would you like to have a commercial jingle stuck in your head?

Me either, but I did have one in my head, and I still do. Here's how it goes..."I'm a cougar. She's a cougar. We're all cougars. Men love cougars. Don't you want to date a cougar tooooooooooo?"

All day I've been singing about cougars!

Have you seen this commercial? The only channel I've seen it on has been FX when I watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The League. It's a commercial about a dating website for men who LOVE cougars...which is all men, because the jingle says so. Apparently, there are enough women in the world who think of themselves as "cougars" that a website is actually successful...or is it? I don't know, and I don't have any interest in knowing.

The women in the commercial do NOT look like cougars. They look like they're in the twenties. So the only way these women can be labeled as "cougars" is if they are also pedophiles. Gross. Unless they are really in their forties....then what the heck, I want to be a cougar too - if my body looks like that and if I'm still single in twenty years. Wow, I hope I'm not single in twenty years.

But really, all that I care about is getting the jingle out of my head. The only good part about the commercial is when a sound clip of a cougar (the animal) roars! It's so funny that I actually laughed out loud. I'm sure cougars everywhere laughed until they peed their Depends.

Here's the commercial for you to watch. Now all of you will have the jingle stuck in your head. It's hard to catch the cougar roar on YouTube, but it's at the 23rd second. Believe me, the roar is more prominent on TV.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

When did Frosty the Snowman become Evil?

I've decided that I'm going to start critiquing commercials, because I watch them so much and I need to talk about them. I need to talk about them.

Have you all seen the Droid commercial with the snowman? If not, let me recap it for you...

Open on a winter evening scene. A couple of children run into the house (probably for supper). Then the snowman comes to life...MUAHAHAHAA!!

Zoom in on the snowman (let's call him Droidy the Motorolaman). Droidy's stick arm falls off. Oh no! Then Droidy's eyes light up like evil laser-beams of red death. His head starts to melt, because it's obviously so frickin' hot outside - I would understand if he was standing in a greenhouse, but he's not. That's a different snowman. What is wrong with this snowman?

Here's the zinger - his eyes are actually cell phones! Whowouldathunkit! This isn't the good ole commercial days when ad men used snowmen to sell soup. Like the snowman who shuffles inside and then melts down to a little boy eating a bowl of Campells. Oh no, this is not that kind of commercial.

The eye, I mean Droid X or whatever new Droid is out now, turns and subliminally tells me that this phone can do anything. For example:

It is waterproof. It has to be - it's been inside a snowman's head for probably a good 30 minutes to an hour. I have a feeling those kids worked really hard on it. That's probably why they ran into the house for supper. (Man, I hope there actually were kids at the beginning of the's kind of fuzzy right now, and I can't find the commercial on the internet). Anyway, for the sake of being safe, "whoever" built the snowman didn't do a shotty job.

It can perform Jedi Mind tricks. They should be calling this phone YODA. Hey, if George Lucas had to give them the rights to use the term "Droid" then he can hand over "Yoda" too. How perform mind tricks does it, hmm? For starters, Droidy snapped his own arms off to get your attention. Plus, these robot arms emerged to replace the stick arms!! SCARY! Then he melted his own face!! This phone is crazy! And you know what the biggest mind trick is? Millions of people are going to go buy Droid X and Droid 2...because if they don't, Droidy the Motorolaman will put you in a Darth Vader choke hold.

That's my recap.

Here's the critique: Not too bad of a commercial. I get all the George Lucas...I mean Droid Lucas...crap, I mean DROID comparisons to an actual "I-can-do-anything-cell-phone-of-the-future." And I like how they chose a snowman to deconstruct instead of Santa or a reindeer or an elf for their holiday commercial. I don't want to see a reindeer's head blow up to uncover two Droid phones. I don't like seeing alive deer, so I definitely don't want to see a dead one.

Secondly, I'm sort of a Star Wars fan, if you couldn't already tell :) So, hats off to making the snowman like Darth Vader. Yes, his head looks like Lord Vader's with his helmet off - the pale skin, the dark set eyes, the sympathy I start feeling for him even though he is evil and bad, but he can't help it because he's on the Dark Side, just like a snowman doesn't choose to be a snowman - someone has to make him into a snowman, and a snowman can't go back because he will melt, and Vader can't go back either. WHOA! Epiphany! Symbolism, I tell ya, too bad this commercial didn't come out when I was still in college. I feel like I have a good term paper here.

And let's not forget the robotic arms which coincide with Luke Skywalker's robotic hand. Honestly, I think George Lucas should be getting paid BIG TIME for this commercial.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Halloween is mine. Oh yes, it will be mine

And it was!!! Halloween was a ton of fun. As you know, I was Wayne Campbell and Andrea was Garth Algar from Wayne's World. Here are some pictures from the night. By the way, I had to put on extra make-up, because I looked too much like a boy. Good thing I have boobs, haha.