Robot Bank

I feel like I have certain situations that happen to me more than any other person I know. For example, the other day I ran to the bank to make a deposit. One would assume this a simple task. So did I, believe me, so did I...

I've never been to this bank before, but I expected it to be like most banks. Tellers greeting you with their sad smiles, that ONE guy holding a bucket full of change, a smelly but very tan dude with sweat stains on the back of his cut-off tee, and the mother trying to control her wild children and then threatening them with "NO wii time tonight!!" Ahhh, the joys of banks.

When I entered the bank something seemed off. I felt like Dorothy walking from black & white into the world of color. Except my world of color was a world where no tellers were to be seen. Odd, I thought. Where have all the tellers gone?? Hmmm, whatever, I'll fill out my deposit slip and worry about that little problem later.

About one minute later...frick, where are the tellers?? How am I supposed to make a deposit? I stood in the room looking awkward as awkward could be. I see a couple offices, a few "stations" with tv screens and telephones, and a roped off path that led to it. I walked around looking for a teller with my deposit slip in hand and a confused look glued to my face, when finally I decided to ask the guy that was in one of the "stations," "Hey, I'm trying to make a deposit. Where do I do that?"

He smiled and answered politely: "Right here. It's like a drive-up window, but inside. It's weird, but this bank is close to my house..." He shrugged.

"Are you kidding me?" I said, and walked to my little cubby of a "station." I then proceeded to tap on the tv screen thinking it was a touch screen...nothing happened. "I don't know what I'm doing," I said, still tapping on the NON-touch screen tv.

The polite guy walked me through it, "Put the money in the container and push the button, then someone will show up. I know it's weird, believe me. I feel like I'm banking in the future."

"This is crazy. I'm never coming to this bank again," I said. And with that I made my deposit talking to the guy in the tv screen who works in the basement. I seriously just walked into the bank and had no human contact with a teller. Unbelievable. Also, these poor tellers are working in a basement...ummmm, sucks for them.

Honestly, they might as well have robots working there. What's the point? I walk into a bank expecting to interact with another person, and I talk to a man in a tv. I know that's what the drive-up is for, and if my car window rolled down believe me, I'd be all over that.

But I have to walk in and do my business inside. It's the way of the world for me and my Pontiac Grand Am. So as you can see, this kind of awkward banking experience happens to me a lot. Seriously, I don't think Julia Roberts has ever had to go through something like this.

Do you know how I know why I will never be on Jeopardy?

The "smarties" on Jeopardy know a lot about a variety of subjects. They have to...that's how they get on the show. I like to think that I'm pretty good at Jeopardy, shouting out a few answers here and there, but really I would come in last place every single time.

Unless, of course, most of the categories were about tv, movies, (some sports) and other pop culture. I would clear the categories on my own, and the crowd would applaud at how amazingly fast I buzzed in with the right answer.

If you pay close enough attention to Jeopardy most contestants save the pop culture category for last. They pick "The History of the Wheel" or "Around the World." They know things like who invented the apple peeler, or the name of Queen Victoria's head chef, or how much wood could a wood chuck chuck! It's crazy what these people know.

But today I was watching and you know what clue none of the contestants buzzed in for with Spice Girls in the category? "Tell me what you want, what you really really want...is this popular song...?" Okay, I can't remember the clue word-for-word, but they gave part of the lyrics! No one buzzed in. Hello? It's WANNABE!

Typical Jeopardy "smarties." They may have a broad knowledge of everything textbook, but they don't know the most popular song by the Spice Girls. They may know that Millard Fillmore was the last member of the Whig Party to hold the office of president, but they don't know the name of the actor who plays the lovable Jim Halpert on The Office.

This is how I know why I will never be on Jeopardy. I can't compete with the contestants who choose "American Politics of the 1940s" over "American Pie Sequels." I really have no chance at all.

Wimpy Kid Mania

On Saturday I took my lovely little niece, Caitlyn, to Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules. It was really good. Very funny - for both adults and children.

Short review: Greg Heffley (Zachary Gordon) returns to middle school a year older - 7th grade. This time the movie focuses less on school and more on family with Greg's older brother/tormentor Rodrick (Devon Bostick) as part of the main plot. Their mother (Rachael Harris) bribes the boys with "Mom Bucks" in exchange for brother bonding. The movie soars with undeniable funny family feuding, and the loyal best friend Rowley (Robert Capron) steals a few scenes with his endearing self. Also stars Steve Zahn as Frank Heffley.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars.

I asked my niece if she liked the first Diary or this one better, and she replied: "This one."

Now I have to tell you about my experience while waiting in line to get popcorn before the movie. We arrived about 25 minutes before the movie started to give us enough time to go to the bathroom, get concessions, and find a good seat. Well, as Caitlyn and I headed to get popcorn, this little girl (about 6) raced in front of us, turned the corner to the concessions stand, and went straight up to the counter.

I noticed right away that she "cut" in line. The people (a high schooler with what looked like her younger sister), now behind her, also noticed but didn't say anything. Caitlyn and I stood in our respective spots in line. About 10 seconds later, the little 6-year-old deviant's father and brother walked up to the stand. The dad asked for five popcorns and two large sodas. The register dude said, "That comes to $40.37."

The dad was outraged at the cost. Meanwhile, Caitlyn asked what time it was. I said I didn't know, but not to worry, because we have a lot of time before the movie starts.

The father then said, "What if I get 3 popcorns and four large sodas?" The poor guy behind the counter told him that the price would still be 40 some bucks. Still outraged the dad said that was too much money. Um, yeah! CAN'T YOU READ THE PRICES IN FRONT OF YOU? Jeez.

I bent down to Caitlyn and said, "See that little girl." Caitlyn nodded. "If she wouldn't have cut in line, we would be sitting in theater by now." Caitlyn nodded again with an extra eye roll. I looked to my right and saw that the other line for concessions was moving at a regular pace. Ugh, I couldn't switch lines now, we were so close! So I stayed in my line with an annoyed look on my face.

Back to the father: Finally he decided on a large popcorn combo and another soda. The register guy asked him what kind of soda he wanted. And ya' know what? The father didn't know. He asked his two kids what they wanted...they didn't know either. So they THOUGHT about it for awhile.

Ohmigosh! I was starting to lose it. I was seriously going to throw some punches soon. Caitlyn looked at me again and asked what time it was. I told her again that we still have lots of time. I honestly had no idea what time it was, but I didn't want to worry Caitlyn that we might be late for our movie, because of some indecisive/unprepared parent. People in line behind me were also getting annoyed, shuffling their feet and rubbing their foreheads.

After they paid, the line moved fast, since everyone had plenty of time to decide on what they wanted. It's really a no-brainer...this theater concession stuff. Pretty much everyone I hear in line knows what they want before they get there. It's not like people are deciding on a five-course meal here.

When it was my turn to order I simply said, "One large popcorn with butter. That's it." Wow, that took me less than a minute to order, pay, and receive my food.

I like people. I do. But when some people pull a "stunt" like this, I get really annoyed. Quietly annoyed. I would never throw punches...haha, I wouldn't ever even say anything. I'm too scared to do something reckless like that.

Anyway, after the movie was done, Caitlyn and I walked to my car, and Caitlyn said, "Remember that girl who cut in line?"
I said, "Yeah."
"Well," Caitlyn said, "We would've gotten our popcorn a lot faster if she didn't cut."

Yep.

The Cover Letter that I've Been Dying to Write

2010 was a year of disappointments for me career wise. My favorite was when I applied to a local newspaper and got rejected in two ways: email and snail mail. Thanks. On the flipside, at least they let me know that they found someone else.

I've been tempted to write a cover letter to really get across my argument of why a company should hire me as a writer (technical, creative, proofreader, whatever). So here it is, my no holds back cover letter that I will never send out because it would get rejected faster than Christina Aguilera ran off the football field.

Dear Reviewer:

I heard about your job opening, because I'm desperate for a job in a field where I spent four years of my life and money at a wonderful university. I would like to apply for this position, because I know I would do an outstanding job.

I graduated from Winona State University with a Bachelors Degree in English: Writing. If I would've known that all you employers were just interested in experience, then I would've gotten an Associates Degree in Administrative Assistance (because apparently I can't even get hired for that unless I have an degree in answering phones...no offense to secretaries, I'm sure the job is harder than it looks) and spent the other two years working on getting experience before my actual experience. Too bad I didn't know this. Be that as it may, I think my four years at Winona State gave me equal or even better of an experience in writing as a job would.

Furthermore, I've had more than eight years experience with computers. Although I don't have "job experience" entering data into a computer, I've spent half of my life working with multiple computer software including Microsoft Office. If a monkey can do it, so can I. While attending school I worked as a waitress where I assisted the guests with excellent customer service in person and over the phone. I'm a great people-person who can handle stressful situations with a smile and a great attitude. I know I would be an important asset to your company, because I'm a creative, energetic, and hard-working individual who is more than ready for a job in the career path I've studied all my life for. Attached is my resume. Don't get scared off by my multiple past jobs. I worked summers to help pay for my overpriced education.

I will contact your office within a week to confirm that you received my application. Don't sound so surprised, I do know how to dial a telephone.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Kinsey Bodenburg


Wow, that felt good. The sad part is, besides how desperate and rude I sound, half of my submissions don't even get looked at. A computer searches for certain words and picks out the application, or somebody just chooses candidates that they know. So really, I have a slim chance to get a good writing job. I've applied all over the U.S. and nothing back yet besides a few rejections. I guess time will tell.

Pajama Jeans or Jeggings?

Have you seen the Pajama Jeans infomercial? The product they're selling is a pair of pants that look like jeans but feel like pajama pants!! O-M-G! This is the best thing in the whole wide world. I want one, I want 5, I want millions!


Juuuuust kidding. Maybe if they actually did look like jeans and not a pair of "jeans" my Barbie wore back in the 90's, then maybe I would buy them. But they look awful - especially the front where a zipper should be . Eesh, jeans need zippers, not fake stitchings that look like a zipper should be in that region. And they cost $40.00 + s/h!! I'm sorry, but that's way too expensive for a pair of pajama pants.

So what's the difference between Pajama Jeans and Jeggings?

Ummm, jeggings are just better.

Jeggings are leggings that look like jeans. They are leggings. They aren't sweatpants that look like jeans. Leggings and jeggings are fashionable. Plus, they are more cost friendly.

When you wear leggings or jeggings, more often than not, you wear a longer shirt. So even if there is a faux zipper, it's covered. And even if you don't, the outfit looks just fine because jeggings are in and Pajama Jeans are not. I know I don't have much of an argument here, but if you're ever confronted with a choice between Pajama Jeans and Jeggings, pick jeggings. My 2 1/2 year old niece even wears jeggings. She's got style.

But if you're not one to wear tight fitting pants like leggings and jeggings, then don't. I advise against the Pajama Jeans, though...I especially advise against wearing them in PUBLIC if you already own them. Remember, just say no to the PJ Jeans and yes to real jeans or jeggings.

Lawn Gnomes Camping in the Yard

There should be a Regulation Lawn Toy(s) Law. It may be "in style" to put out lawn gnomes in your garden here and there, or eye-pleasing to stick a wind-powered flower light generator in your yard, and it's even welcoming to hang a seasoned flag from your door, but when you cross that thin line of too much stuff in your yard, I have a problem.

And like the saying goes: too much is not always a good thing.

I drive back and forth to work everyday. You see, because I need to go to work and then come back home. Hence: back and forth. While I take this monotonous drive every morning and every night, I pass by this two-story home.

This home could be beautiful. Some little fixes to the siding and the roof would make this house look like a pleasant place to live. The problem is, though, that this place is a dump.

The owners have a hodge-podge of items scattered throughout their front lawn. More like junk than actually items. A run-down pop-up camper sits directly in the front of the house. Poles stick up randomly throughout the yard, a "fort" made out of boards and black and green, ripped tarp sits next to the camper, and lawn ornaments (if I can even call them ornaments) are scattered in no particular fashion throughout. There are boards laying everywhere with words painted on them...none of which say "For Sale" or "Free, please take it so my house doesn't look like a dump!"

If only there was a law that made the owners of this house clean up their place. It amazes me that they can come home every night and manage to navigate through their yard without stepping on a land-mine.

And here's what really bothers me: these people probably have NO problem with how their house looks to the public. I think people should be able to put anything (that is legal) in their BACKyard. The front yard, however, should have some regulations, because this house is an eye sore.

Now, I have always thought that lawn gnomes are pretty frickin' cute. And if there's one hiding in your garden watching over your plants, that's wonderful...because that gnome has a purpose.

On the other hand, if you have a tarp-tent and a gross, old camper sitting right next to each other in the middle of Winter...I have a serious issue with that. It's hard to believe that someone is residing in the holey tarp-tent, or windowless camper in January. No Purpose - get rid of it.

Why Facebook, Why?

I haven't been on Facebook in awhile. The sparkle that was once in my eye for that special networking site has faded. I've been a Facebook member since high school, and I used to waste away my day looking at pictures, searching for new buttons that expressed who I am, and adding more information to an already jam-packed profile.

Now, as a 22 (almost 23 year old) the last thing I did was post pictures from this summer. I had to...you see, my newest nephew was born on the 17th, and I had the Facebook urge to show my friends and relatives his cute, little baby face. His name, if you would like to know is Alec Boyd Bodenburg. And I have a feeling I will love him just as much as I love Alec Baldwin.

The day he was born I traveled to the nearest computer to write in my status a congratulatory statement to my brother and his wife. My sister, Tyne, had already written one, and so had my brother (the father of Alec) - earlier in the morning after Alec was born. Then I realized that this information on my six hour old nephew had already gone viral!

Back in the day, when dinosaurs weren't able to chat with their prehistoric buddies via Facebook chat, since it was down (as it almost always is), they had to telephone people, send letters, walk to their neighbor's house to deliver news of any sort. Now, I can go on my laptop and type in a simple sentence and have hundreds of friends know instantly.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but it seems like not long ago, we were a more connected society. And through physical contact we achieved this.

Likewise, I can go on Facebook and find out in about ten minutes of browsing, who is pregnant, who is single, who got laid-off, and who got drunk the weekend before. I can see who got a new tattoo, who scored the highest in the racing game, who would "rather be enjoying the nice weather instead of working," and who is putting their child down for a nap and will be back to Facebook shortly. This social network is more of a private network seen socially by anyone who is "friends" with someone else.

But this isn't all bad. On the contrary, word spreads fast on Facebook and you can learn a lot about someone or something that is going on. I agree that Facebook is a nice way to massively spread information and share good news - like my nephew, Alec.

But I also think that maybe we should step back a bit, and not share anything and everything that happens to us the moment it happens. I don't want to know about the hair clog in your sink drain. I don't need to know that (Pet name here) peed all over the carpet, and I definitely don't want to know when you woke up, went to bed, or when you are eating.

If you would send out a public announcement about an engagement, wedding, baby arrival, and/or change of address to your friends and family, then it is okay to post that on Facebook.

If you call up your mother every time you take a bite out of your sandwich...then I would think twice about letting your Facebook friends know, because, honestly, we don't care.

(I've been subject to writing useless Facebook status updates in the past...I think we all have)