Holy BALLS!

The other day on my way home from work I was listening to the radio and 4:00 Trivia came on. Normally, I never call in...even if I know the answer, but this was for two free movie tickets, so I HAD to call in.

The question was: "Stairs and bicycles are two of the top three inanimate objects that cause accidents. What is the third inanimate object?"

I thought for about two seconds when BALLS came to my mind. Balls, balls, balls, it has to be balls. People get hit with balls all the time. I've had two accidents where balls were the number one cause. When I was about 14 I played short-stop and I got hit by a line drive right in the mouth. It hurt really bad. No teeth were lost, but there was a lot of blood.

In high school, my coach had me out in right field, and I was sprinting to catch a fly ball. I ran so fast that I didn't pay any attention to my surroundings. The next thing I remember is literally bouncing off the fence with my FACE and landing on the ground. I had fence markings on my chin for about a week. *I caught the ball, though, but when I fell to the ground the ball fell out, and the umpire said it wasn't an out. What a lousy ump.*

BALLS! It has to be. So I start dialing. Busy signal. Redial. Busy Signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. I couldn't get through. Typical.

Then the song ends and someone guesses the toilet. Wrong. I know it's balls, so I call in again. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. I give up.

The next person guesses a ladder. Good guess, but wrong. So the radio host gives a clue, "It's something you throw." Ugh, I was right!!!! But I couldn't get through. I'm spinning angry.

I didn't even try again to call in, because only a dummy would call in and get the answer wrong. There was no use for me to keep redialing only to hear more busy signals. Those movie passes could've been mine. Balls.

It's on Playboy Radio, Sirius XM

I was baffled to hear that some Playboy Bunnies actually have a talk show on the radio. I guess anyone can get a radio show these days. Where do I sign up?

Seriously, these girls were about as smart as their plastic boobies. I was on the road with my best friend Andrea and her fiance Jeremy. He recently bought her an awesome new car. So as we were driving, Jeremy turned on Playboy Radio. At first Andrea and I couldn't stop laughing and making fun of the ladies.

They were talking about how big or small their heads were. Really??? Really??? Then one lady dropped the word "cranium" into her sentence. I think she did this so her listeners would think she had some sort of brain in her large head. Or was she the one with the small head?

One of the other ladies thought she said "cranial" - this was probably the first time she heard the word. After about 2 minutes of gabbing back and forth about her large "cranial" the first lady (haha, not Mrs. Obama) corrected the other Past Her Prime Playboy by saying that it was "cranium" and not "cranial."

Oh, how they thought that was funny. Andrea and I laughed too, and then sighed with relief that we are not those women.

Later in the show they were giving away panties.

Their own panties.

The panties that they were wearing.

Scandalous.

So there the three of us sat listening to them pull down their pants and describe to the listeners what their panties looked like.

One pantie had a string hanging from it. The lady said that this pantie was five years old and the string represents the wear from it.

EWW! Throw those away! If you've been keeping and wearing underwear for five years...it's time to go to Vickie's Secret and buy some more!

A lot more things of little substance were said, and soon we arrived at our destination.

My conclusion: I feel A LOT better about myself after listening to those Booby Bunnies talk about, well, underwear.