Commercials at Their Worst

Are you ever watching tv and then a commercial pops up for a certain medication and it's the dumbest commercial in the whole wide world? For example: A group of friends are all sitting around a table discussing this new medication this one lady is on. Then she starts talking about how many doses are safe to take daily, the side-effects, and how you should of course check with your physician first. The ladies all ask their friends questions filled with medical terms and the lady answers them like she's reading cue cards.

Natural, right?

WRONG!

Ugh, these commercials are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYING!

This is how this commercial would work in real life:
I can't drink that wine.
Why not?
I'm taking this pill that makes me poop in my sleep.
EWWWW! HAHAHA!
It's just one of the side-effects, no big deal.
That is disgusting!
I know it is, but I just wear a diaper to bed so I don't have to do laundry every afternoon.
Is there any other weird side-effect?
Oh yeah, death.
Figures.
I know! Death is always a side-effect.
Anyway...did you watch The Office last night?

And there you have it. If only all commercials were this true. Real life rocks!

New topic! Here are some pictures of my place and one of me! :) Ignore the clutter.

The Yoplait yogurt container has Christmas cookies in them...not yogurt.

I'm taking my tree down on January 1!

Time for a Kinsey Update

Since I've been gone, I need to do a catch-up with the lovely people who (hopefully) still read my blog when I have a new post. I'm crossing my fingers on that one.

1. I've been in bar volleyball league since the end of May. We're pretty good. Probably 2nd in our Wednesday bracket. There's one team that's really good, and a guy on the team wears one long colored sock. It's weird, so we call him the sock man. And whenever we have a really good hit, Jeremy says, "We need to put a sock on you!" Haha, we think it's funny.

2. On Wednesday we played an all-girl team. We had three guys and two girls on our team, since Andrea couldn't make it to the game. The rules are you need to ask the other team if it's okay to play with less girls than guys. I hate asking, and I've only had to ask one other time, but I strolled over to their side of the net and asked politely, "Is it okay if we play with three guys and two girls? My friend is a teacher (put that in there for good measure) and she can't make it."

They were silent for about five seconds too long before one girl said, "This happens to us every week."

"So is it okay?" I asked, completely ignoring her snarky remark.

"Fine."

Good, I thought. Then we started playing and the all-girl team totally sucks!! They are really bad. The snarky one did that one arm hit almost every time a ball came to her. We won all three games easily. Then at the end I heard the captain talking to the ref: "What would have happened if we said no they can't play with more guys?" The ref shrugged - he was probably thinking, it doesn't matter because next week is the tournament and the brackets are already up and you guys suck, so it really doesn't matter.

The girl then said, "Because next time this is not going to happen."

I stood there, signed off on the score sheet, and walked away. Seriously, they are the 2nd to worst team on our league. We could have played with three people and still killed them. I can't wait to play them next week (with our entire team) and really slam it in their faces.

3. I have a new niece in my family. My sister Tyne had her first baby in July. She named her Elsie, and she is soooooo cute! I'm her Godmother too! Yay! She likes to poop though. Just today, she was at our house and my mom was holding her. Then we heard this loud, juicy fart, and my mom pulled her away and Elsie's poop shot out of the side of her diaper - onto my mom's leg and the floor. GROSS! That was a nasty one. But she's still cute :)

4. I'm slowly running out of money. Even with my job (which is now only part-time) I'm just making my loan payments and other bills. It stinks. Thank goodness I live at home and don't have to pay for rent or groceries. Oh no, I just said, "Thank goodness I live at home." Something might be wrong with me.

5. Big Brother is my new favorite reality TV show. I want to be on it so bad! Does anyone else watch it?

6. I'm obsessed with a new show. It's not a "new" show, but it's new to me. I started watching Battlestar Galactica on Netflix Instant, and I LOVE it! It's so good. If anyone is looking for a show that is action/romantic/drama/mystery, then this is a show for you! It's also kind of funny. I started watching it on Sunday and I'm already done with the first season.

Battlestar Galactica

Well, I'm off to a wedding this weekend, and I promise to post more.

Wanna hear something sad?

It's not boo-hoo-hoo sad. It's pathetic sad. My favorite kind of sad.

Yesterday, our local NBC station was out because their tower was down. Instead, we received NBC out of the cities. Bummer.


Anyway, the sad part is, at 11am, I switched over to our local NBC channel to watch Kathie Lee and Hoda on Today. What I found instead was Kare 11 news. Boy, was I disappointed. Kathie Lee and Hoda are my guilty morning pleasures. I find them utterly entertaining. They drink early in the morning, interview B-List actors, and interrupt each other constantly. They're a hoot! But I didn't get to see them. My whole morning was thrown off. What was I going to watch from 11-noon?

Today is different though. My local NBC channel has been up and running since yesterday at noon. Too bad it wasn't fixed at 11. Sigh.


**I have more good news!**
I got offered a job! I'm so excited about it, and I can't wait to start. Everything is coming together for me, and I am so thankful. Plus, with this job I'll get to use my writing expertise!

What's the Deal with Meteorologists?

I like watching the news. I like watching the weather even more, because I'm interested in knowing what the temperature is going to be in the morning, at noon, and night. I love the 7-day forecast. It's my favorite part.

But what's the deal with meteorologists? Just tell me the weather. Seriously, all I need is a screen with numbers in Fahrenheit and pictures of clouds. I don't want you to explain what fog is or a bunch of other fast-talking information you feel is important. All I want is the weather.

Frankly, I don't even need a meteorologist. In my perfect world the meteorologist would stay behind the scenes. If they did come out and present the weather it would go something like this: "It's going to thunderstorm today until about 5:00 pm. Tomorrow is going to be sunny with a high of 75. Here's your 7-day forecast." Then they would walk away.

Instead, I get this..."Good Thursday afternoon. We have a low pressure system coming from the South. The national weather system says blahblahblah, but blahblahblah, I don't really get it. Hey, am I still talking? Ha, I think I have the best job in the world. I'm almost always wrong. We've had a week of record temperatures, but it might snow tomorrow. Then it will be pretty nice again next week. Something about some counties blahblahblah, and more counties that aren't even in our viewing area...let's talk about them for awhile. Oh, and in Texas the temperatures are in the blahboogerblah. But we live in Wisconsin. Maybe I should spend time actually talking about our state. I like to wave my arms and hands around to distract you viewers from seeing the 7-day forecast. Guess what? It took me three hours to figure out how to make that sun on the screen sparkle. Like my tie? It's festive. Now that I've wasted your time, back to you."

So annoying. I find myself zoning out when the weather comes on - like I'm in a trance. I have a theory that my local meteorologist is actually hypnotizing the viewers into thinking he's actually good at his job. My only defense is the mute button on the remote...if I can get to it in time.

Wednesday Musings: Take Fourteen

I haven't done a Wednesday Musing in awhile. I thought it was time for one.

-My nephew, Alec, loves game shows. He's only 7 months old! He loves Family Feud, Jeopardy, and The Price is Right! It's so funny. He likes watching The Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb too. Is it time for an intervention?

-Yesterday I went for a run and I saw six people snowshoeing by the creek. Good for them.

-CBS' new show Mad Love on Monday is really funny. Watch it.

-I recently watched the movie Trick 'r' Treat on Netflix and it's a great Halloween movie. I wish it would've been on instant streaming this Halloween, because it would've royally freaked me out. Needless to say, watching in in February didn't make it less scary. I watched most of it through my fingers.

Guilty or not Guilty Pleasure

*I would've taken a picture of that crazy yard, but I don't pass that house anymore. That Friday, I quit my job since more possibilities were waiting for me somewhere else. But for some reason, if I pass that house again, I will make sure to snap a quick pic with my phone*

Guilty pleasures. Mine are Lifetime movies, Hallmark movies, and really bad Syfy movies...the ones with horrible graphics of a man-eating dinorobot terrorizing people on a remote island. What are the chances??

As I watched The Today Show and Live! With Regis and Kelly this morning, Kourtney and Kim Kardashian were being interviewed, and one of the hosts mentioned that their reality show is a "guilty pleasure." This spurned some thoughts for me. What is the definition of a guilty pleasure?

According to the first result from a Google search, "Guilty Pleasure" is defined as "Something one enjoys despite feeling guilt for it." Pretty self-explanatory.

Keeping up with the Kardashians, and the related other shows with the family, are not my guilty pleasure. They are just a true pleasure. I love this family. They're funny, relatable, and (yes, I'm going to say it) real. I know most reality tv isn't real. Don't preach that to me, because I know this to be true. Some reality shows aren't real...they're scripted.

I don't know for sure if this show is scripted. If you watch it, they don't seem to be acting or reading off of a script. I think they heighten the drama and sometimes they have to re-enact what happened the day before or something that happened a month before...but it was real at one point.

This show, these shows, Take Miami, and Take New York (which premieres on Sunday with Kourtney and Kim on E!) are truly entertaining for me. They are not, however, guilty pleasures. I proudly admit to watching them. They may be rude, goofy, and shocking...but they sure are fun to watch. Heck, my mom even loves them, and if you know my mom, that really says something about the Kardashians...or something about my mom...hmmm.

I'm not blogging about the Kardashians to change anybody's mind about them. Honestly, this is just another thing for me to write about.

At least I'm not blogging about The Hills or The City. Like, I totally, like dislike that like show, or like those like shows. Like, yeah. Like, like, like...I mean like, that like show, like makes my head like hurt.

One man's guilty pleasure is another man's pleasure.

What's yours? Guilty or not.

A Cougar Jingle...who knew?

Would you like to have a commercial jingle stuck in your head?

Me either, but I did have one in my head, and I still do. Here's how it goes..."I'm a cougar. She's a cougar. We're all cougars. Men love cougars. Don't you want to date a cougar tooooooooooo?"

All day I've been singing about cougars!

Have you seen this commercial? The only channel I've seen it on has been FX when I watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The League. It's a commercial about a dating website for men who LOVE cougars...which is all men, because the jingle says so. Apparently, there are enough women in the world who think of themselves as "cougars" that a website is actually successful...or is it? I don't know, and I don't have any interest in knowing.

The women in the commercial do NOT look like cougars. They look like they're in the twenties. So the only way these women can be labeled as "cougars" is if they are also pedophiles. Gross. Unless they are really in their forties....then what the heck, I want to be a cougar too - if my body looks like that and if I'm still single in twenty years. Wow, I hope I'm not single in twenty years.

But really, all that I care about is getting the jingle out of my head. The only good part about the commercial is when a sound clip of a cougar (the animal) roars! It's so funny that I actually laughed out loud. I'm sure cougars everywhere laughed until they peed their Depends.

Here's the commercial for you to watch. Now all of you will have the jingle stuck in your head. It's hard to catch the cougar roar on YouTube, but it's at the 23rd second. Believe me, the roar is more prominent on TV.

When did Frosty the Snowman become Evil?

I've decided that I'm going to start critiquing commercials, because I watch them so much and I need to talk about them. I need to talk about them.

Have you all seen the Droid commercial with the snowman? If not, let me recap it for you...

Open on a winter evening scene. A couple of children run into the house (probably for supper). Then the snowman comes to life...MUAHAHAHAA!!

Zoom in on the snowman (let's call him Droidy the Motorolaman). Droidy's stick arm falls off. Oh no! Then Droidy's eyes light up like evil laser-beams of red death. His head starts to melt, because it's obviously so frickin' hot outside - I would understand if he was standing in a greenhouse, but he's not. That's a different snowman. What is wrong with this snowman?

Here's the zinger - his eyes are actually cell phones! Whowouldathunkit! This isn't the good ole commercial days when ad men used snowmen to sell soup. Like the snowman who shuffles inside and then melts down to a little boy eating a bowl of Campells. Oh no, this is not that kind of commercial.

The eye, I mean Droid X or whatever new Droid is out now, turns and subliminally tells me that this phone can do anything. For example:

It is waterproof. It has to be - it's been inside a snowman's head for probably a good 30 minutes to an hour. I have a feeling those kids worked really hard on it. That's probably why they ran into the house for supper. (Man, I hope there actually were kids at the beginning of the commercial...it's kind of fuzzy right now, and I can't find the commercial on the internet). Anyway, for the sake of being safe, "whoever" built the snowman didn't do a shotty job.

It can perform Jedi Mind tricks. They should be calling this phone YODA. Hey, if George Lucas had to give them the rights to use the term "Droid" then he can hand over "Yoda" too. How perform mind tricks does it, hmm? For starters, Droidy snapped his own arms off to get your attention. Plus, these robot arms emerged to replace the stick arms!! SCARY! Then he melted his own face!! This phone is crazy! And you know what the biggest mind trick is? Millions of people are going to go buy Droid X and Droid 2...because if they don't, Droidy the Motorolaman will put you in a Darth Vader choke hold.

That's my recap.

Here's the critique: Not too bad of a commercial. I get all the George Lucas...I mean Droid Lucas...crap, I mean DROID comparisons to an actual "I-can-do-anything-cell-phone-of-the-future." And I like how they chose a snowman to deconstruct instead of Santa or a reindeer or an elf for their holiday commercial. I don't want to see a reindeer's head blow up to uncover two Droid phones. I don't like seeing alive deer, so I definitely don't want to see a dead one.

Secondly, I'm sort of a Star Wars fan, if you couldn't already tell :) So, hats off to making the snowman like Darth Vader. Yes, his head looks like Lord Vader's with his helmet off - the pale skin, the dark set eyes, the sympathy I start feeling for him even though he is evil and bad, but he can't help it because he's on the Dark Side, just like a snowman doesn't choose to be a snowman - someone has to make him into a snowman, and a snowman can't go back because he will melt, and Vader can't go back either. WHOA! Epiphany! Symbolism, I tell ya, too bad this commercial didn't come out when I was still in college. I feel like I have a good term paper here.

And let's not forget the robotic arms which coincide with Luke Skywalker's robotic hand. Honestly, I think George Lucas should be getting paid BIG TIME for this commercial.

The New Adventures of Old Kinsey

:)

Who doesn't love Julia Louis-Dreyfuss? She was hilarious as Elaine, and she's just as good (some say better) as Christine on The New Adventures of Old Christine. Too bad the show got canceled. Boo CBS! Shame on you!

Good thing Lifetime shows reruns during the week.

So now it's time for new adventures with ME!!!! It's October 1st and I'm ready. I have a clear outlook on my future and I'm totally ready to grab life my the horns.

Ew, I hate how cliche I just sounded, but I need to get my point across. Watch out people, Kinsey is grabbing the horns of life, seizing the day, shooting for the moon, because there is light at the end of the tunnel, I'm upping the ante, because time is money, and I'm ready to hit it out of the ballpark.

First things first, I'm getting tired of my blog theme - so I'll work on that tonight and hopefully set it up this weekend.

Secondly, I'm super excited to say that I'm going to attend a Screenwriter's Summit this December for two days!!! AHHHHHHH!!!! I'm so excited that I could burst. I'm happy as a clam or a lark or a pig in the mud. Let's just say I'm a happy camper :)

My new adventures are beginning.

O Tetris! My Tetris!

I was playing Tetris today on a really old school Nintendo Game Boy. Not the huge gray old school ones, but the ones just before Game Boy Color came out. BTW, I have one of those :) I got Donkey Kong Country for Christmas one year and had the game beat by New Years.

The thing with Tetris is that I'm always waiting for the long cube. The skinny, long four cube one (I think the technical term is the "I shape"). I seem to get myself into a Tetris rut and the only way to knock out four rows to get more points is all up the skinny, tall one. I'm naming this few and far between block "Skinny B!*@#"...because truly, that is what it is.

My favorite block is the one that can go in all directions - the "T Shape." This one is the best!!! Seriously, I can use it anywhere. Whenever I'm in trouble and the "T" is on deck, I know it will hit one out of the park for me. I see good things for "Mr. T."

Now, the "O Shape" seems to come at all the wrong times. Like when I just placed Skinny B!*@# somewhere because I had no place else to put it, then all of sudden "Oprah" comes sailing down WAY too fast and I'm out of luck. Thus, a difficult situation has occurred and now my whole game is screwed up. Oprah...this is the only time when I'm not a big fan. You may take up a lot of space, and you really do change people's lives, but you're giving me one helluva run for survival.

The "Z, S, J, and L" shapes give me trouble too. Whenever I need the "Z" I get the "S" - and vice versa. Same goes for the "J" and the "L." It's like when I'm watching "Saved by the Bell" and I really want to watch Zach, but Screech comes in with a doofy look on his face. Or when I'm looking for comic relief and I actually prefer Screech to be on tv, but Zach Morris starts one of his monologues. And with J. Lo...I like her music, but "Gigli," really? Really????

Tetris is like life. You get what you get. Sometimes a fastball, sometimes a slider. Sometimes Screech and Jennifer Lopez are slamming you with their bricks, and Oprah and Zach are nowhere in sight. You want to "Pity the fool" more times than not, but the Skinny B!*@# always squeezes her way in and either makes your life a living hell, or saves you.

Wednesday Musings: Take Eleven

My new favorite shows are The Closer, Rizzoli and Isles, and Hot in Cleveland. Granted, The Closer isn't a "new" series, but it's the first I've watched it...and let me tell you, "It's Kinsey Approved!"

I applied for an administrative assistant position for a chiropractic office last Sunday, and last Monday they called me, but I was asleep (as it was 9 am and I had no reason to start my day early), so my niece picked up the phone and told them that I was asleep. She took the message like a young Pam Beasley and when I woke up about 15 minutes later I returned the call. The secretary answered and had no idea that I was called, but said she would find out who called me and then have them call me back. I waited and waited and waited and waited. I waited for a couple more days and then I called them back, thinking that they were probably really busy. So I explained to this dude on the phone who I was and asked them what the situation was on my call back, he said he would figure it out and have someone call me. Well, no one called me back and I don't care if they hired someone else, but at least have the decency to tell me. GOSH!

That was a long musing, but I had to get it out there. I feel better now.

I got caught in a storm again. Just my luck, right? I went to River Falls to visit a friend and I had just left her place when it started to rain cats and dogs. I made it about 5 miles down the road when I had to turn back after getting a call from my mom and then my friend saying the sirens were going off. So I stayed in River Falls for another hour waiting for the storm to pass. Is God trying to send me some sort of message via storms??

I got a new phone!! It's a Palm Pre Plus, and it rocks! It totally rocks! I'm in love with it. I thought about doing a blog from it, but it would take me a really long time, so I'm not going to. Maybe someday...when I master, of course, the little keypad of abc's.

On the way to see Ramona and Beezus with my niece who takes messages for me while I'm sleeping, I told Caitlyn that I'm like Beezus and she's like Ramona - since she doesn't have a big sister, only and older brother, and I don't think he's the Selena Gomez type. But after the movie (which was really good!) I told her that I could be her "Aunt Bea" and she can still be Ramona. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, Aunt Bea, is Aunt Beatrice, Ramona's mom's sister...even though I'm Caitlyn's dad's sister...man, this is falling apart in front of my eyes.

Here's a still from the movie. Aunt Bea, Beezus, Ramona, and Dorothy Quimby

I'm sitting downstairs with my hood up. It's that kind of night. Plus my hair is wet from swimming, and I don't want to freeze down here.

Wednesday Musings: Take Ten

Twenty minutes and this is no longer a Wednesday Musings, but a Thursday Mistakes.

I drove my mom's boat...I mean Buick all the way to St. Francis, MN to visit my brother and his family. I drove through a storm (tornado like), almost hydroplaned, screamed after the radio told me that a tornado has been spotted, and then drove like a short old woman who has to sit really close to the steering wheel to see out the windshield about 20 minutes after "the storm" passed.

Despicable Me is really funny.

Why is the Northern Wisconsin State Fair called the Northern Wisconsin State Fair? It's in Chippewa Falls, WI...and that isn't in Northern Wisconsin - it's 20 some minutes from my house.

My brother gave me a Spiderman blanket to sleep with tonight. I'm almost too excited to fall asleep.

Blogger thinks Spiderman is spelled wrong, because it's showing red squiggly lines underneath it. Doesn't blogger know who Spiderman is? I mean, he's no Batman, but come on.

My nephew, Tate, was watching Ghost Hunters on Syfy tonight. He's not even eight yet and he's watching Ghost Hunters...alone...in his basement. He is so BRAVE!!!

I laid in a hammock tonight, and I really, really, really, really want one. Maybe when I'm older.

A New Lady??

Now this really irks me. I was watching tv the other day, as I had nothing better to do - I applied for a job, ate lunch, went swimming, got my tan on, wrestled with the kiddos - ya know...everyday stuff, and the Orbit Gum commercial came on.

Oh how excited I was. These commercials are great! "Who are you calling a cootie queen, you LINT licKER?" Joy!

So as I sat on the couch thinking of my future days as a wealthy person, the blonde in the commercial was not the blonde I was used to seeing.

What in the world? I looked around the living and saw my niece, Addie, running around with my mom's hair pick screaming, "Mine, Aaaddie, mine, mine, mama, mine." Surely, Addie was not to be bothered with my dilemma.

Then I thought, maybe I saw her wrong. So I rewound the commercial (thanks to the almighty DVR) and watched the commercial again. This time, though, about a foot away from the tv - I was not to be fooled. I prayed a quick prayer before pushing Play.

To my disappointment, I was proved wrong. The commercial gods did a number on me and switched the Orbit Gum Lady with a poser gum actress. And I know they tried to trick me by finding a "look-a-like," but I think I would have been happier if they switched the original and awesome Orbit Lady with an old red-headed woman. Don't try to fool me commercial people (some may call you advertisers, but I call you adverTEASERS). We are not as dumb as you may think. I do not approve.

Do you hear me? Kinsey Bodenburg does not approve. Please bring back the original Orbit Lady. I mean really, "What the french toast?"