What Even Is That Kid?

So I went "running" for the first time outside this year.  I put running in quotes, because I barely ran.  I'm so out of shape.

Remember when I worked out at the gym?  I pay for it and everything, and I even blogged about it here!  Yeah, I don't remember the last time I went either.  I need to cancel that thing.  I had hopes for that gym relationship.  I should have known it wouldn't last.

So I'm "running" on the Old Abe Trail (that's what it's called...I saw a sign) and after my nice, long warm-up walk, I begin my run.

Yeah!  RUNNING!  The first steps are great, but after about 30 seconds, I'm freakin' dying.  I should really cut down on the empty calories - I know I'd have more energy.  Reasoning: SCIENCE.

Okay, back on track, I'm "running" and this child...this little boy...this kid who can't be older than 10 years old approaches me.  He's running at an outrageous speed (I am shocked. I am jealous. I am feeling really bad about myself.), and to top it off, he is carrying hand weights!!!

WHAT?

WHO?  HUH?  IS HE AN ALIENNNNNNNNNN?  

And also, where is this kid's parents?  Hmmmmm?  He was running alone.

What a show-off.

But it was weirdly motivating.  If a kid (or alien - we will never know) can run with hand weights and do it with ease, then *HECK YES, so can I.

*Ha!  No, I will never run with hand weights.  It sounds exhausting and terrible.

Post Office Blues

I am going to single-handedly take on the Eau Claire Post Office.  You heard me.  I’m not scared.

Locally-run governmental agencies are the worst.  Okay, so they’re not always the worst, but when the Eau Claire Post Office said it was discontinuing mail processing in February 2014, they became a sore subject for me.  Have you noticed that your mail is taking longer to get to places in Wisconsin that are outside of the 547- and 548-area codes?  No?  Well, I have.  And maybe that’s only because I work in an office where sending out mail can be time sensitive, and when it doesn’t get there the next day or day after, your coworkers take it out on you (because it is my fault, right?).  Basically half of our mail is still being processed in Eau Claire, and the other half is being processed in St. Paul, MN.

Anyway, this post office conundrum has a simple fix – separate the customers as they enter the building before they reach the service counter and act like morons who have no idea how they want to send something and whether they do, in fact, want insurance on the candy they are sending to their son in college.

There are three paths to choose from:  1) I know what I want, 2) I need extra attention and some answers, and 3) I’m going to take up so much time because I am THAT person.

The “I know what I want” group is the best.  These people actually walk around with a crown on their head.  Customers should bow down to them as they move swiftly through their line.  This path is only for customers who need stamps, need postage on their (get this) already sealed package, and/or they have filled out the proper certified/return receipt beforehand (you can do that? YES, YOU CAN!) and need postage and a date stamp.  You will indeed want to live up to the royalty of what I like to call non-idiots.

The “I need extra attention and some answers” group is for those people who need some cost options.  They will, of course, have their package put together before they get to the service counter.  This route has a two-step phase:  1) Package your items if you haven’t already done so and then 2) Proceed to the service counter.   Unlike the kings and queens alongside them moving at a rapid pace in line 1, this group needs shipping and cost options and/or they need help filling out that certified/return receipt.  Customers in this group will also have the option of applying insurance to their package.

Last and certainly the least, the “I’m going to take up so much time because I am THAT person” group is the bottom-dweller of the post office floor.  This group consists of morons who want to talk about their day as they have the post office worker bubble-wrap and ship their cat to Hawaii with insurance.  They also have forty-plus unsealed envelopes with no addresses written on them.  On top of which, they will undoubtedly change their mind about their shipping choice approximately three times.  These customers are the worst of the worst.  They have no respect for other customer’s time, and so they are stuck in their line for hours and hours because of the idiots standing before them.

We’ve all been there.  The moment you exit your vehicle at the Eau Claire Post Office and see a customer walking to the door with two bins full of unstamped letters.  You slam your door quickly, run to the door to beat the two-binned lady but can’t dodge the bottom-dwellers moping their way to the entrance of the building.  You never had a chance.  You won’t make the 5:00 p.m. cutoff time, and you’ll be stuck in line behind a bunch of people who have no idea how they want to send their mail.  Idiots.

Dumb Things on Pinterest

I love Pinterest. I go through the "Home Decor" category a lot because I'm moving into my house at the end of the month, and I come across a lot of great ideas...and a lot of dumb ones. For example:

"WASH" sign. I thought that was pretty obvious, but maybe people need to be reminded not to fry bacon in here.

This screams "clutter" to me. Sure your mess won't be on your kitchen table, but it sure will be tacked or magnetized to the wall! This looks like an elementary school art hallway. I give it a D-.

Oh heavens. This kills me. How about USE A WINE BOTTLE HOLDER AS A WINE RACK? Towels are better in the closet. Wine is better on the rack - where it belongs! Let's not mess with things.

HA! First of all, yes, sure, it's a cute idea. But it is also ginormous. I hope your bedroom has square footage for this. Personally, I like this idea for a doggie bed/area under the stairs.

AWWWWWW! Isn't it so cute?

All I have for this one is...Mommie Dearest

You heard her.

This one drives me nuts. If you are the average person, you probably have one washer and one dryer. You can wash one load of laundry at a time. Let's say you do towels first. You wash them, then you dry them, then you fold them, and put them away. And while your towels are in the dryer, you start your darks in the washer. Then you dry your darks, fold them, and put them away. You can't really get ahead of this little "schedule." Because unless you have more than one washer and one dryer, all of your clothes will never be done at once (and you will never need four sorting baskets). And if you decide to let your clothes just sit on this "sorting counter" after they finish drying just so you can use your sorting baskets, then you're wasting time and your clothes are getting wrinkled by not folding them immediately after getting pulled out of the dryer. What a waste of space.

Do you not want to sell your house? Ever? Y-I-K-E-S!

This dog is living the life. Hopefully the owners have a pool. If not, they need to reevaluate their priorities.

No one wants to see your body parts squished out of the hammock-ceiling.

Yes indeed! Your kids will DEFINITELY throw these rocks in the house and break ALL THE THINGS! *face palm*

Beep. Boop. Deactivate.

*robot noises*

I have deactivated my Facebook account.

Does it feel weird? Not yet.

Will it feel weird not reading that PoopyDoopy is at the gym "getting her workout on," again, like she does every single day (and I know this because PoopyDoopy posts it every single morning)?  No. Because I don't want to hear about anyone working out...ever...and especially not when I think about getting up early for a run and then I don't do it because I'm tired. Ummmm, no thanks.

Will I feel a dissatisfaction in my soul by not seeing the terribly-lit photo of FoodieMcCroody's lunch? Nope.

I think I'm going to do just fine without Facebook.

;)

*more robot noises*

THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON

I have this theory.  Hear me out.

If the CAPS LOCK BUTTON disappeared, then maybe all the anger in the world would disappear.

My reasoning:
People communicate via text, e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, and other media outlets.  If there was no CAPS LOCK, people would be less inclined to YELL at their comrades.

Mind blown...I know.  ;)

And also...

Ya know when your pinky accidentally hits the CAPS LOCK button and then you press SHIFT to actually capitalize a letter, but then it goes into lowercase?

iSN'T THAT ANNOYING?????  

SERIOUSLY!  THE STUPID CAPS LOCK BUTTON SERVES NO PURPOSE!  I hate being frustrated while I type.  If it wasn't for the little light on the CAPS LOCK button, I would be pushing it over and over, along with the SHIFT button while trying to figure out what letter is being capped.

IT'S ANNOYING!

Ugh, stupid CAPS LOCK button.  Why do you have to exist?

How old are you? Seriously!

Working in an office environment can have its ups and downs. I love my job. It's perfect for me. I'm so grateful for it.

But what is it about the office that turns 60-year-olds into 14-year-olds? Let me be more specific...dramatic, I-just-realized-that-I-have-all-these-feelings-about-things, I-don't-know-how-to-express-them-in-a-mature-fashion-yet, GET OFF MY BACK, 14-year-olds.

Yes, offices are filled with these types of women. I can honestly say that I haven't run into any men that act like this.

I'm 25 and every single day I feel like I have more control over my actions and words than my co-workers that have been in the office for 10+ years.

Maybe that's why they've all gone crazy!

Hmmmmm...

Anyway, if it's your job to do something and you decide to have a fit one day and then proceed to stop doing that certain job, then I have lost all respect for you.

***

Here ends my rant about this past week at work.

GRRRR!

I feel better now.

Commercials at Their Worst

Are you ever watching tv and then a commercial pops up for a certain medication and it's the dumbest commercial in the whole wide world? For example: A group of friends are all sitting around a table discussing this new medication this one lady is on. Then she starts talking about how many doses are safe to take daily, the side-effects, and how you should of course check with your physician first. The ladies all ask their friends questions filled with medical terms and the lady answers them like she's reading cue cards.

Natural, right?

WRONG!

Ugh, these commercials are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYING!

This is how this commercial would work in real life:
I can't drink that wine.
Why not?
I'm taking this pill that makes me poop in my sleep.
EWWWW! HAHAHA!
It's just one of the side-effects, no big deal.
That is disgusting!
I know it is, but I just wear a diaper to bed so I don't have to do laundry every afternoon.
Is there any other weird side-effect?
Oh yeah, death.
Figures.
I know! Death is always a side-effect.
Anyway...did you watch The Office last night?

And there you have it. If only all commercials were this true. Real life rocks!

New topic! Here are some pictures of my place and one of me! :) Ignore the clutter.

The Yoplait yogurt container has Christmas cookies in them...not yogurt.

I'm taking my tree down on January 1!

Time for a Kinsey Update

Since I've been gone, I need to do a catch-up with the lovely people who (hopefully) still read my blog when I have a new post. I'm crossing my fingers on that one.

1. I've been in bar volleyball league since the end of May. We're pretty good. Probably 2nd in our Wednesday bracket. There's one team that's really good, and a guy on the team wears one long colored sock. It's weird, so we call him the sock man. And whenever we have a really good hit, Jeremy says, "We need to put a sock on you!" Haha, we think it's funny.

2. On Wednesday we played an all-girl team. We had three guys and two girls on our team, since Andrea couldn't make it to the game. The rules are you need to ask the other team if it's okay to play with less girls than guys. I hate asking, and I've only had to ask one other time, but I strolled over to their side of the net and asked politely, "Is it okay if we play with three guys and two girls? My friend is a teacher (put that in there for good measure) and she can't make it."

They were silent for about five seconds too long before one girl said, "This happens to us every week."

"So is it okay?" I asked, completely ignoring her snarky remark.

"Fine."

Good, I thought. Then we started playing and the all-girl team totally sucks!! They are really bad. The snarky one did that one arm hit almost every time a ball came to her. We won all three games easily. Then at the end I heard the captain talking to the ref: "What would have happened if we said no they can't play with more guys?" The ref shrugged - he was probably thinking, it doesn't matter because next week is the tournament and the brackets are already up and you guys suck, so it really doesn't matter.

The girl then said, "Because next time this is not going to happen."

I stood there, signed off on the score sheet, and walked away. Seriously, they are the 2nd to worst team on our league. We could have played with three people and still killed them. I can't wait to play them next week (with our entire team) and really slam it in their faces.

3. I have a new niece in my family. My sister Tyne had her first baby in July. She named her Elsie, and she is soooooo cute! I'm her Godmother too! Yay! She likes to poop though. Just today, she was at our house and my mom was holding her. Then we heard this loud, juicy fart, and my mom pulled her away and Elsie's poop shot out of the side of her diaper - onto my mom's leg and the floor. GROSS! That was a nasty one. But she's still cute :)

4. I'm slowly running out of money. Even with my job (which is now only part-time) I'm just making my loan payments and other bills. It stinks. Thank goodness I live at home and don't have to pay for rent or groceries. Oh no, I just said, "Thank goodness I live at home." Something might be wrong with me.

5. Big Brother is my new favorite reality TV show. I want to be on it so bad! Does anyone else watch it?

6. I'm obsessed with a new show. It's not a "new" show, but it's new to me. I started watching Battlestar Galactica on Netflix Instant, and I LOVE it! It's so good. If anyone is looking for a show that is action/romantic/drama/mystery, then this is a show for you! It's also kind of funny. I started watching it on Sunday and I'm already done with the first season.

Battlestar Galactica

Well, I'm off to a wedding this weekend, and I promise to post more.

Holy BALLS!

The other day on my way home from work I was listening to the radio and 4:00 Trivia came on. Normally, I never call in...even if I know the answer, but this was for two free movie tickets, so I HAD to call in.

The question was: "Stairs and bicycles are two of the top three inanimate objects that cause accidents. What is the third inanimate object?"

I thought for about two seconds when BALLS came to my mind. Balls, balls, balls, it has to be balls. People get hit with balls all the time. I've had two accidents where balls were the number one cause. When I was about 14 I played short-stop and I got hit by a line drive right in the mouth. It hurt really bad. No teeth were lost, but there was a lot of blood.

In high school, my coach had me out in right field, and I was sprinting to catch a fly ball. I ran so fast that I didn't pay any attention to my surroundings. The next thing I remember is literally bouncing off the fence with my FACE and landing on the ground. I had fence markings on my chin for about a week. *I caught the ball, though, but when I fell to the ground the ball fell out, and the umpire said it wasn't an out. What a lousy ump.*

BALLS! It has to be. So I start dialing. Busy signal. Redial. Busy Signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. I couldn't get through. Typical.

Then the song ends and someone guesses the toilet. Wrong. I know it's balls, so I call in again. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. I give up.

The next person guesses a ladder. Good guess, but wrong. So the radio host gives a clue, "It's something you throw." Ugh, I was right!!!! But I couldn't get through. I'm spinning angry.

I didn't even try again to call in, because only a dummy would call in and get the answer wrong. There was no use for me to keep redialing only to hear more busy signals. Those movie passes could've been mine. Balls.

Wimpy Kid Mania

On Saturday I took my lovely little niece, Caitlyn, to Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules. It was really good. Very funny - for both adults and children.

Short review: Greg Heffley (Zachary Gordon) returns to middle school a year older - 7th grade. This time the movie focuses less on school and more on family with Greg's older brother/tormentor Rodrick (Devon Bostick) as part of the main plot. Their mother (Rachael Harris) bribes the boys with "Mom Bucks" in exchange for brother bonding. The movie soars with undeniable funny family feuding, and the loyal best friend Rowley (Robert Capron) steals a few scenes with his endearing self. Also stars Steve Zahn as Frank Heffley.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars.

I asked my niece if she liked the first Diary or this one better, and she replied: "This one."

Now I have to tell you about my experience while waiting in line to get popcorn before the movie. We arrived about 25 minutes before the movie started to give us enough time to go to the bathroom, get concessions, and find a good seat. Well, as Caitlyn and I headed to get popcorn, this little girl (about 6) raced in front of us, turned the corner to the concessions stand, and went straight up to the counter.

I noticed right away that she "cut" in line. The people (a high schooler with what looked like her younger sister), now behind her, also noticed but didn't say anything. Caitlyn and I stood in our respective spots in line. About 10 seconds later, the little 6-year-old deviant's father and brother walked up to the stand. The dad asked for five popcorns and two large sodas. The register dude said, "That comes to $40.37."

The dad was outraged at the cost. Meanwhile, Caitlyn asked what time it was. I said I didn't know, but not to worry, because we have a lot of time before the movie starts.

The father then said, "What if I get 3 popcorns and four large sodas?" The poor guy behind the counter told him that the price would still be 40 some bucks. Still outraged the dad said that was too much money. Um, yeah! CAN'T YOU READ THE PRICES IN FRONT OF YOU? Jeez.

I bent down to Caitlyn and said, "See that little girl." Caitlyn nodded. "If she wouldn't have cut in line, we would be sitting in theater by now." Caitlyn nodded again with an extra eye roll. I looked to my right and saw that the other line for concessions was moving at a regular pace. Ugh, I couldn't switch lines now, we were so close! So I stayed in my line with an annoyed look on my face.

Back to the father: Finally he decided on a large popcorn combo and another soda. The register guy asked him what kind of soda he wanted. And ya' know what? The father didn't know. He asked his two kids what they wanted...they didn't know either. So they THOUGHT about it for awhile.

Ohmigosh! I was starting to lose it. I was seriously going to throw some punches soon. Caitlyn looked at me again and asked what time it was. I told her again that we still have lots of time. I honestly had no idea what time it was, but I didn't want to worry Caitlyn that we might be late for our movie, because of some indecisive/unprepared parent. People in line behind me were also getting annoyed, shuffling their feet and rubbing their foreheads.

After they paid, the line moved fast, since everyone had plenty of time to decide on what they wanted. It's really a no-brainer...this theater concession stuff. Pretty much everyone I hear in line knows what they want before they get there. It's not like people are deciding on a five-course meal here.

When it was my turn to order I simply said, "One large popcorn with butter. That's it." Wow, that took me less than a minute to order, pay, and receive my food.

I like people. I do. But when some people pull a "stunt" like this, I get really annoyed. Quietly annoyed. I would never throw punches...haha, I wouldn't ever even say anything. I'm too scared to do something reckless like that.

Anyway, after the movie was done, Caitlyn and I walked to my car, and Caitlyn said, "Remember that girl who cut in line?"
I said, "Yeah."
"Well," Caitlyn said, "We would've gotten our popcorn a lot faster if she didn't cut."

Yep.

What's the Deal with Meteorologists?

I like watching the news. I like watching the weather even more, because I'm interested in knowing what the temperature is going to be in the morning, at noon, and night. I love the 7-day forecast. It's my favorite part.

But what's the deal with meteorologists? Just tell me the weather. Seriously, all I need is a screen with numbers in Fahrenheit and pictures of clouds. I don't want you to explain what fog is or a bunch of other fast-talking information you feel is important. All I want is the weather.

Frankly, I don't even need a meteorologist. In my perfect world the meteorologist would stay behind the scenes. If they did come out and present the weather it would go something like this: "It's going to thunderstorm today until about 5:00 pm. Tomorrow is going to be sunny with a high of 75. Here's your 7-day forecast." Then they would walk away.

Instead, I get this..."Good Thursday afternoon. We have a low pressure system coming from the South. The national weather system says blahblahblah, but blahblahblah, I don't really get it. Hey, am I still talking? Ha, I think I have the best job in the world. I'm almost always wrong. We've had a week of record temperatures, but it might snow tomorrow. Then it will be pretty nice again next week. Something about some counties blahblahblah, and more counties that aren't even in our viewing area...let's talk about them for awhile. Oh, and in Texas the temperatures are in the blahboogerblah. But we live in Wisconsin. Maybe I should spend time actually talking about our state. I like to wave my arms and hands around to distract you viewers from seeing the 7-day forecast. Guess what? It took me three hours to figure out how to make that sun on the screen sparkle. Like my tie? It's festive. Now that I've wasted your time, back to you."

So annoying. I find myself zoning out when the weather comes on - like I'm in a trance. I have a theory that my local meteorologist is actually hypnotizing the viewers into thinking he's actually good at his job. My only defense is the mute button on the remote...if I can get to it in time.

Lawn Gnomes Camping in the Yard

There should be a Regulation Lawn Toy(s) Law. It may be "in style" to put out lawn gnomes in your garden here and there, or eye-pleasing to stick a wind-powered flower light generator in your yard, and it's even welcoming to hang a seasoned flag from your door, but when you cross that thin line of too much stuff in your yard, I have a problem.

And like the saying goes: too much is not always a good thing.

I drive back and forth to work everyday. You see, because I need to go to work and then come back home. Hence: back and forth. While I take this monotonous drive every morning and every night, I pass by this two-story home.

This home could be beautiful. Some little fixes to the siding and the roof would make this house look like a pleasant place to live. The problem is, though, that this place is a dump.

The owners have a hodge-podge of items scattered throughout their front lawn. More like junk than actually items. A run-down pop-up camper sits directly in the front of the house. Poles stick up randomly throughout the yard, a "fort" made out of boards and black and green, ripped tarp sits next to the camper, and lawn ornaments (if I can even call them ornaments) are scattered in no particular fashion throughout. There are boards laying everywhere with words painted on them...none of which say "For Sale" or "Free, please take it so my house doesn't look like a dump!"

If only there was a law that made the owners of this house clean up their place. It amazes me that they can come home every night and manage to navigate through their yard without stepping on a land-mine.

And here's what really bothers me: these people probably have NO problem with how their house looks to the public. I think people should be able to put anything (that is legal) in their BACKyard. The front yard, however, should have some regulations, because this house is an eye sore.

Now, I have always thought that lawn gnomes are pretty frickin' cute. And if there's one hiding in your garden watching over your plants, that's wonderful...because that gnome has a purpose.

On the other hand, if you have a tarp-tent and a gross, old camper sitting right next to each other in the middle of Winter...I have a serious issue with that. It's hard to believe that someone is residing in the holey tarp-tent, or windowless camper in January. No Purpose - get rid of it.

A Cougar Jingle...who knew?

Would you like to have a commercial jingle stuck in your head?

Me either, but I did have one in my head, and I still do. Here's how it goes..."I'm a cougar. She's a cougar. We're all cougars. Men love cougars. Don't you want to date a cougar tooooooooooo?"

All day I've been singing about cougars!

Have you seen this commercial? The only channel I've seen it on has been FX when I watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The League. It's a commercial about a dating website for men who LOVE cougars...which is all men, because the jingle says so. Apparently, there are enough women in the world who think of themselves as "cougars" that a website is actually successful...or is it? I don't know, and I don't have any interest in knowing.

The women in the commercial do NOT look like cougars. They look like they're in the twenties. So the only way these women can be labeled as "cougars" is if they are also pedophiles. Gross. Unless they are really in their forties....then what the heck, I want to be a cougar too - if my body looks like that and if I'm still single in twenty years. Wow, I hope I'm not single in twenty years.

But really, all that I care about is getting the jingle out of my head. The only good part about the commercial is when a sound clip of a cougar (the animal) roars! It's so funny that I actually laughed out loud. I'm sure cougars everywhere laughed until they peed their Depends.

Here's the commercial for you to watch. Now all of you will have the jingle stuck in your head. It's hard to catch the cougar roar on YouTube, but it's at the 23rd second. Believe me, the roar is more prominent on TV.

Wednesday Musings: Take Eleven

My new favorite shows are The Closer, Rizzoli and Isles, and Hot in Cleveland. Granted, The Closer isn't a "new" series, but it's the first I've watched it...and let me tell you, "It's Kinsey Approved!"

I applied for an administrative assistant position for a chiropractic office last Sunday, and last Monday they called me, but I was asleep (as it was 9 am and I had no reason to start my day early), so my niece picked up the phone and told them that I was asleep. She took the message like a young Pam Beasley and when I woke up about 15 minutes later I returned the call. The secretary answered and had no idea that I was called, but said she would find out who called me and then have them call me back. I waited and waited and waited and waited. I waited for a couple more days and then I called them back, thinking that they were probably really busy. So I explained to this dude on the phone who I was and asked them what the situation was on my call back, he said he would figure it out and have someone call me. Well, no one called me back and I don't care if they hired someone else, but at least have the decency to tell me. GOSH!

That was a long musing, but I had to get it out there. I feel better now.

I got caught in a storm again. Just my luck, right? I went to River Falls to visit a friend and I had just left her place when it started to rain cats and dogs. I made it about 5 miles down the road when I had to turn back after getting a call from my mom and then my friend saying the sirens were going off. So I stayed in River Falls for another hour waiting for the storm to pass. Is God trying to send me some sort of message via storms??

I got a new phone!! It's a Palm Pre Plus, and it rocks! It totally rocks! I'm in love with it. I thought about doing a blog from it, but it would take me a really long time, so I'm not going to. Maybe someday...when I master, of course, the little keypad of abc's.

On the way to see Ramona and Beezus with my niece who takes messages for me while I'm sleeping, I told Caitlyn that I'm like Beezus and she's like Ramona - since she doesn't have a big sister, only and older brother, and I don't think he's the Selena Gomez type. But after the movie (which was really good!) I told her that I could be her "Aunt Bea" and she can still be Ramona. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, Aunt Bea, is Aunt Beatrice, Ramona's mom's sister...even though I'm Caitlyn's dad's sister...man, this is falling apart in front of my eyes.

Here's a still from the movie. Aunt Bea, Beezus, Ramona, and Dorothy Quimby

I'm sitting downstairs with my hood up. It's that kind of night. Plus my hair is wet from swimming, and I don't want to freeze down here.

There once was a man from Nantucket...

Fair warning! I'm going to vent to you all.

There is this girl that I work with. I shall call her Fartha.

Fartha likes to tell the manager that she wants more hours. Yet, I get a text from her about once a week asking me to cover her shift.

I text Fartha, "On."

Then I text her again, "No."

Fartha also wants to become a shift manager. Thank goodness I'm graduating in a couple of weeks and won't be around to see this nightmare come true, if it does.

Somehow, Fartha has become a driver for Pizza Hut. She is not a good driver for Pizza Hut. Maybe she'll get better. I think she should stick to waitressing.

Then again, I like not waitressing with her...so Fartha should drive more.

Nope, nope, I can't even convince myself to like her as a driver, because I have to pick up her slack and do a ton of dishes at the end of the night just to help the poor driver who has to drive with her.

It's a vicious cycle.

Thursday is my favorite night to waitress. Somehow, Fartha got my shift. "I am angry. I'm like a large tornado of anger, swirling about." - Kicking and Screaming name drop.

On top of which, guess what happened!

Fartha texts me this afternoon. She said that she has a wedding to go to on Saturday and forgot to take off of work.

I think, too bad.

She texts, "Can you switch your Friday night with my Saturday night and I'll find someone to cover your original Saturday night hours?"

I think, no.

You see, I have a baptism to go to on Sunday, and I just called my sister today and told her I will be leaving on Saturday night after 8 to drive two hours to her house instead of leaving really early on Sunday morning.

Plus, I didn't want to give up my Friday night. I make glorious tips on Fridays.

So I texted her "no."

Fartha hasn't texted me back. Oh well, not my problem.

Please Don't Tell Me Your Life Story...I Don't Even Know Your Name

The beginning of each semester brings new classes and new classrooms. This gives me the chance to scope out the room and find the perfect spot for me to sit. Once I find my seat, I keep my seat, no matter what. I once sat next to this girl who brought Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch in a baggy to snack on during class. I wanted to move away from her...badly, but I persevered and stuck to my "perfect" seat (in the back of the room).

This semester brought new seats for my choosing. In my computer class I sit in the corner front - that way I won't have to scooch my seat forward for people to walk to their seats. It was the perfect spot until this one girl sat next to me and everything changed.

Even before I walked in the classroom, she started up a conversation with me. I don't even know this girl, and I'm already annoyed. She told me about her brother, but he isn't her real brother, she showed me pictures of her little nephew - who isn't as cute as she made him out to be, and she told me about her workout schedule. Do I look like the kind of person who wants to hear about a stranger sweating on the elliptical machine?

Maybe I do give off that vibe to strangers. Which is too bad, because I don't really care about how she dresses her puppy in tuxedos. And, for the record, I don't think it's cute. I think it's animal cruelty. Guys don't even like to wear tuxedos, what makes you think dogs do?

To make matters worse, this girl never listened to the professor explain how to use XHTML, so when it was time to work on our assignment, she would bother me with questions on how to do this and that.

I helped her, grumbling all the way. I complained about this girl to my roommates, and they told me to switch seats in the classroom, but I couldn't. I absolutely LOVE the spot where I sit...they just didn't understand.

Fortunately, one day I arrived to class with seconds to spare. I don't know if the girl found a new "friend" while she walked into the classroom, or just needed someone to sit next to and help her with her homework, but she wasn't sitting in her regular spot. HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY!!!

I am free!! Ever since that miraculous moment, I truly enjoy going to my Web Development class. I sit with no one directly next to me and I'm happy as a bird.

Like Oh My Gosh!

I tend to use the phrase "omg" loosely around my friends. I think it's acceptable to say "omg" around my peers in a setting where it's appropriate. In the professional world, though, it's not okay to say "o-m-g I love the new ad campaign." And even though I think the world of retailers isn't exactly a strictly professional workplace, I do believe that they should refrain from saying those three little letters that remind me why I don't like shopping very much.


Today I forced myself to take a trip to Maurices, because I was in desperate need of a shirt to go with my outfit for this career fair I'm going to on Friday in Minneapolis.


Whenever I get dragged along to Maurices with my friends, I secretly roll my eyes as the fake blonde stampers over in her high heels and her keys jingle on her wrist band bracelet - to show her superiority over the other sales associates, obviously. I listen as she asks, "How are you girls today? Just so you know, this and this is on sale and if you buy blah and blah then you get this tote for only $20.00!" Then she leaves momentarily until my friend needs a fitting room, then she hounds us again. "Try this instead, what about this color, or these pants?" Bah! Just leave us alone. If we want your help, we'll ask.


Then my friend is ready to pay. She decides to buy only one of the shirts. The blonde with the keys is flabbergasted that my friend didn't buy the other one too, because "OMG, that one looks darling on you, girl!" I keep myself entertained as I watch my friend politely reiterate that she just wants the one shirt, while the blonde pressures her to get the "super cute one."


So there I was today. In desperate need of the annoying help that I can only receive from Maurices. Luckily, the key wearing OMG queen wasn't working today. Instead, this really nice sales associate helped me pick out two shirts and a tank for a whopping $68.00 - I am now poor. Good thing these shirts can be worn with plenty of other outfits, because "omg, there are soooo cute!"

Definition of the annoying person

an-noy to irritate or bother, as by a repeated action --- an-noy'ance n. --- an-noy'ing adj. --- an-noy'ing-ly adv.


Want to know if you are annoying? Well, I'll tell you.

First, if you've ever answered the waitress with "I would like a million dollars" after they ask, "What can I get for you tonight?"...then you are annoying.

Second, if you've ever eaten dry Captain Crunch during class, chugged a Mountain Dew to wash it down, and said, "Ahhhh" while your teacher lectures on Classical Mythology...then you are annoying.

Third, if you find it hard to refrain from saying "Your Mom" jokes, because it is the only comeback joke you know...then you are annoying.

Fourth, if you've seen a movie so many times that you say the lines with the actor word-for-word while the person sitting next to you has never seen the movie...then you are annoying, and you should really take the hint - i.e. when we tell you to stop, we really mean it.

Fifth, in relation to number four, if you like to repeat what has just been said in the movie on more than one occasion...then you are annoying. It's only funny the first time.

Sixth, if you like to text or talk in a movie theater...then you are annoying and you need to grow up. Seriously, you're not in middle school anymore.

--Sidebar-- I'm sorry that a lot of these annoyances are movie related, but they have to be recognized. Honestly, it's for the sake of our country.

Seventh, if you refer to your boyfriend or girlfriend as "lover" ...then you are annoying. (Unless you are married, then this is okay, and only sometimes okay).

Eighth, if you have to constantly one-up a friend's personal story with one of your personal stories...then you are annoying.

Ninth, if you like to raise your hand in a lecture class and share your ideas about chemical composition...you are annoying.

Tenth, if you find yourself reading this list and saying, "Is she talking about me?" in more than one example...then I'm sorry, but you are annoying.

Hopefully, you can realize your shortcomings and fix it before you become a full-blown annoyance to the people around you.

Lots of love,
Kinsey