Time for a Kinsey Update

Since I've been gone, I need to do a catch-up with the lovely people who (hopefully) still read my blog when I have a new post. I'm crossing my fingers on that one.

1. I've been in bar volleyball league since the end of May. We're pretty good. Probably 2nd in our Wednesday bracket. There's one team that's really good, and a guy on the team wears one long colored sock. It's weird, so we call him the sock man. And whenever we have a really good hit, Jeremy says, "We need to put a sock on you!" Haha, we think it's funny.

2. On Wednesday we played an all-girl team. We had three guys and two girls on our team, since Andrea couldn't make it to the game. The rules are you need to ask the other team if it's okay to play with less girls than guys. I hate asking, and I've only had to ask one other time, but I strolled over to their side of the net and asked politely, "Is it okay if we play with three guys and two girls? My friend is a teacher (put that in there for good measure) and she can't make it."

They were silent for about five seconds too long before one girl said, "This happens to us every week."

"So is it okay?" I asked, completely ignoring her snarky remark.

"Fine."

Good, I thought. Then we started playing and the all-girl team totally sucks!! They are really bad. The snarky one did that one arm hit almost every time a ball came to her. We won all three games easily. Then at the end I heard the captain talking to the ref: "What would have happened if we said no they can't play with more guys?" The ref shrugged - he was probably thinking, it doesn't matter because next week is the tournament and the brackets are already up and you guys suck, so it really doesn't matter.

The girl then said, "Because next time this is not going to happen."

I stood there, signed off on the score sheet, and walked away. Seriously, they are the 2nd to worst team on our league. We could have played with three people and still killed them. I can't wait to play them next week (with our entire team) and really slam it in their faces.

3. I have a new niece in my family. My sister Tyne had her first baby in July. She named her Elsie, and she is soooooo cute! I'm her Godmother too! Yay! She likes to poop though. Just today, she was at our house and my mom was holding her. Then we heard this loud, juicy fart, and my mom pulled her away and Elsie's poop shot out of the side of her diaper - onto my mom's leg and the floor. GROSS! That was a nasty one. But she's still cute :)

4. I'm slowly running out of money. Even with my job (which is now only part-time) I'm just making my loan payments and other bills. It stinks. Thank goodness I live at home and don't have to pay for rent or groceries. Oh no, I just said, "Thank goodness I live at home." Something might be wrong with me.

5. Big Brother is my new favorite reality TV show. I want to be on it so bad! Does anyone else watch it?

6. I'm obsessed with a new show. It's not a "new" show, but it's new to me. I started watching Battlestar Galactica on Netflix Instant, and I LOVE it! It's so good. If anyone is looking for a show that is action/romantic/drama/mystery, then this is a show for you! It's also kind of funny. I started watching it on Sunday and I'm already done with the first season.

Battlestar Galactica

Well, I'm off to a wedding this weekend, and I promise to post more.

Robot Bank

I feel like I have certain situations that happen to me more than any other person I know. For example, the other day I ran to the bank to make a deposit. One would assume this a simple task. So did I, believe me, so did I...

I've never been to this bank before, but I expected it to be like most banks. Tellers greeting you with their sad smiles, that ONE guy holding a bucket full of change, a smelly but very tan dude with sweat stains on the back of his cut-off tee, and the mother trying to control her wild children and then threatening them with "NO wii time tonight!!" Ahhh, the joys of banks.

When I entered the bank something seemed off. I felt like Dorothy walking from black & white into the world of color. Except my world of color was a world where no tellers were to be seen. Odd, I thought. Where have all the tellers gone?? Hmmm, whatever, I'll fill out my deposit slip and worry about that little problem later.

About one minute later...frick, where are the tellers?? How am I supposed to make a deposit? I stood in the room looking awkward as awkward could be. I see a couple offices, a few "stations" with tv screens and telephones, and a roped off path that led to it. I walked around looking for a teller with my deposit slip in hand and a confused look glued to my face, when finally I decided to ask the guy that was in one of the "stations," "Hey, I'm trying to make a deposit. Where do I do that?"

He smiled and answered politely: "Right here. It's like a drive-up window, but inside. It's weird, but this bank is close to my house..." He shrugged.

"Are you kidding me?" I said, and walked to my little cubby of a "station." I then proceeded to tap on the tv screen thinking it was a touch screen...nothing happened. "I don't know what I'm doing," I said, still tapping on the NON-touch screen tv.

The polite guy walked me through it, "Put the money in the container and push the button, then someone will show up. I know it's weird, believe me. I feel like I'm banking in the future."

"This is crazy. I'm never coming to this bank again," I said. And with that I made my deposit talking to the guy in the tv screen who works in the basement. I seriously just walked into the bank and had no human contact with a teller. Unbelievable. Also, these poor tellers are working in a basement...ummmm, sucks for them.

Honestly, they might as well have robots working there. What's the point? I walk into a bank expecting to interact with another person, and I talk to a man in a tv. I know that's what the drive-up is for, and if my car window rolled down believe me, I'd be all over that.

But I have to walk in and do my business inside. It's the way of the world for me and my Pontiac Grand Am. So as you can see, this kind of awkward banking experience happens to me a lot. Seriously, I don't think Julia Roberts has ever had to go through something like this.

Bates Motel

I went to wedding this weekend. It was a nice wedding. Beautiful bride and wonderful music. Very enjoyable. The bridesmaids looked clad in their "Little Bo Peep" dresses - their words...not mine. But they did kind of look like Blue Sheepherders.

With every wedding there are speeches. I've given one as a maid-of-honor at my bff Andrea's wedding last August. I kept it short but meaningful. I didn't put in a bunch of "inside jokes" or embarrassing stories. I followed "THE RULES."

Unfortunately, at this wedding the maid-of-honor speech ran 10 minutes too long - I'm not exaggerating. This speech was literally 10 minutes long. I died a slow death that night, and almost died (seriously) later that night. I'll get to that later. Anway, the maid-of-honor had way too much to drink, so she rambled on and on and on AND ON about this sandwich - or what she liked to call - "SAMwich." The sandwich wasn't a critical part of the story. She should've stopped after her first story. Yes, she told more than one.

After the first story I couldn't even look at the head table. I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable. The entire reception hall slowly went into this awkward silence wishing that she would finally wrap up her SAMwich and call it a day. After about five more minutes of a story that was going nowhere, she finally finished her speech. Like on cue, everyone let out a sigh of relief. Thank god that was over.

Before I get to the part where I seriously thought I was going to die, let me tell you about the dinner rolls, because dinner rolls are very important in any meal. Well, every person at the reception received a basket of dinner rolls except our table! I was starving. Andrea and Jeremy weren't starving as much as I was because they ate at BWW during our 3 hour lapse between the wedding and reception. I wanted to save myself for the meal. Bad idea. While everyone else enjoyed their dinner rolls, we all sat drooling over our empty plates. Finally, a server stopped by our table and we informed her that we needed dinner rolls.

We all got served our salad, then our meal, then our rolls. But we got extra rolls. And HOT rolls right out of the oven. It's safe to say that we got the best dinner rolls in the entire state of Wisconsin. They were tasty!!!! And we were all able to have two! How wonderful.

Okay, now to the part where my life almost ended. So, I stayed at a motel because I wasn't sure if I would be able to drive home after the dance. I played it safe and booked a room across the road. When I checked in (before the reception) and pulled up to my room at The Royal Inn (nice name, right?) I got in and unpacked. The room smelled musty like an attic mixed with bad breath. Gross. So I sprayed my body spray all over the place in hope to mask the smell until my nose got used to it.

After the reception I pulled into The Royal Inn and made myself comfortable. The interior wasn't as bad as the exterior. The motel website even states: "Don't judge us by our exterior." That probably should have been my first sign as not to stay here, but I didn't want to spend over $100 a night, just to sleep. Well, I fell asleep and awoke around 2 or 3 am. I had an end room, and I heard two men talking outside. Actually, they were yelling at each other. For example:

"Take your mother-effing business somewhere else. I don't want to see your effing face again!"
"Nonononononono! I ain't doing nothing wrong."
Then there was some pushing (I'm guessing).
"I don't care. This is my place and you don't do business here. If you know what's good for you.."
blah blah blah, scary blah blah...

So I'm in bed, curled up in a tiny little ball with wide eyes thinking, "Ohmygosh, this is it. This is the end. One of the scary talking guys is gonna pull out a gun and shoot the other one, but miss and the bullet is gonna come through the wall and kill me. They won't find me until after check-out, and my dead body is going to be all over the news!"

I was freaking out. I thought about calling 911, but if I could hear them, then they could probably hear me, right? And I definitely didn't want to be a witness to anything. So I waited out their 5 minute "conversation" about drugs or pimping, or whatever, and fell back asleep. When I woke up, I was alive and well, but I got the hell out of there, and will never return again.

I'm happy to be alive.

Ghost Face Did It

Last week I went and saw Scre4m. I wanted to go with my brother, but he was busy. So I asked my friend Kory if he could come with me, but he was busy too. My mom said she would go with me, but my mom hasn't seen any of the Scream movies, so I didn't want to have to explain everything to her. I really wanted to see the movie, so I went by myself.

It was an early evening movie, so hardly anybody was at the theaters and no one was in the Scre4m theater. Just me. Just me and my large popcorn and pop combo. Yum. I love movie popcorn. It's so good, and so bad for your health, but so good!

Since no one was in the theater with me, I had my choice of seats. I picked the last row, because I wanted to be able to see everything...it's a scary movie I wanted to know that no one was behind me. Paranoid? No, just smart. Anyway, I texted Kory to make him feel bad about not coming to the movie with me, saying that I was all by myself. He had a paper to finish for school, so there was no way he would be able to make it to the movie.

I put my phone away, because even though I was the only one in the theater, I still like to put away my distractions and make my $20 movie going experience worth it. About 30 minutes into the movie, someone walked in and stopped where the theater opens up to the seats. I couldn't make out who it was. I was a little freaked out, because the person stood there watching the movie for like 5 minutes. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I figured it was just one of the employees because they left.

Finally, I thought, now I can watch my scary movie in peace. NOT! The next thing I see is someone wearing the Scream (ghost face) mask come barreling into the theater and up the steps. He stood above me, and I knew it was Kory. It was, thank God, because if it wasn't...well, I would've been out of that theater in two seconds.


He knew I was alone in the theater, since I texted him that information. And he was the guy who came in and scoped out the theater before scaring me with the ghost face mask. Kory could only stay for a few minutes, because he had to go and turn in his paper, but I give him credit for trying to scare me.

The movie was really good. I was surprised by the ending, as usual. If you're into the Scream movies, then I recommend seeing the 4th movie. It was nice seeing the cast back together after ten years.

Holy BALLS!

The other day on my way home from work I was listening to the radio and 4:00 Trivia came on. Normally, I never call in...even if I know the answer, but this was for two free movie tickets, so I HAD to call in.

The question was: "Stairs and bicycles are two of the top three inanimate objects that cause accidents. What is the third inanimate object?"

I thought for about two seconds when BALLS came to my mind. Balls, balls, balls, it has to be balls. People get hit with balls all the time. I've had two accidents where balls were the number one cause. When I was about 14 I played short-stop and I got hit by a line drive right in the mouth. It hurt really bad. No teeth were lost, but there was a lot of blood.

In high school, my coach had me out in right field, and I was sprinting to catch a fly ball. I ran so fast that I didn't pay any attention to my surroundings. The next thing I remember is literally bouncing off the fence with my FACE and landing on the ground. I had fence markings on my chin for about a week. *I caught the ball, though, but when I fell to the ground the ball fell out, and the umpire said it wasn't an out. What a lousy ump.*

BALLS! It has to be. So I start dialing. Busy signal. Redial. Busy Signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. I couldn't get through. Typical.

Then the song ends and someone guesses the toilet. Wrong. I know it's balls, so I call in again. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. Redial. Busy signal. I give up.

The next person guesses a ladder. Good guess, but wrong. So the radio host gives a clue, "It's something you throw." Ugh, I was right!!!! But I couldn't get through. I'm spinning angry.

I didn't even try again to call in, because only a dummy would call in and get the answer wrong. There was no use for me to keep redialing only to hear more busy signals. Those movie passes could've been mine. Balls.

Playwright = Me

I'm officially a playwright. I guess I was officially a playwright when I won the competition, but last night I actually felt it when I watched my play, "A Little Bit," on stage. It was a nerve-wracking experience up until last night, but wonderful none-the-less.

Yesterday, I spent my day doubting myself and my play: Would people laugh? Would they enjoy it? I hope they don't walk away from it saying it was a waste of money.

I am my own worst critic. My stomach was in knots...literal knots. I was so nervous that I barely had an appetite. And I always have an appetite.

Anyway, to make a long story short, my play did a fine job. My three actors really played well off of each other and the audience laughed appropriately. I was very touched to have about 25 close friends and family come to the performance just to see my play. That was my favorite part of the whole night.

Catching Up

I'm going to make this post a quick read, bullet style.

- I saw Cedar Rapids this week, and it was great! I've always wanted to see a movie by myself, and I finally got to do it. It was a very enlightening experience, and I can cross it off my bucket list now...not the movie, but the act of seeing the movie alone ;)

- Started my job this week. So far, so good. Actually, I really, really, really like it. The people are awesome, and I'm sincerely looking forward to learning about insurance.

- I cast my play this week too. (I've had a very eventful week) I'm very happy with the three parts I was able to fill. Right when I saw and heard the two women that read for the leads, I knew I had to pick them. They were perfect! Plus, the rest of the auditions were kids under the age of 15...I couldn't possibly have a 7 year old play the part of a pregnant woman. That would not look good.

- The weather is amazing here! And when I say "amazing" I mean upper 50 degree weather. That's pretty good here, especially when I can still see snow patches and mounds in the front yard. So I played some basketball with my niece after she got off the bus. It felt good to be outside without a jacket on.

- Watched the movie Unstoppable from Netflix. It was a very stressful viewing experience. Very stressful.